This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

As I was driving the kids to school this morning, I started having a flashback of my early days of widowhood. Driving the kids to school in the rain, thinking about what I needed from the grocery and trying to cover up the massive pain in my heart. I've come along way from those days where everything was numb except the giant whole in my gut. But today, it is back. I'm trying to scream it out, sleep it out, eat it out,cry it out, throw it up - anything to stop this pain. My heart is just so heavy. And it hurts so bad. I had been doing so well. I've been out living my life and enjoying it. I had found some happiness. Maybe that's why it hurts so much to be back in this deep pain.

So why am I back in this place? Well tomorrow is my birthday. I am completely and fully blessed to live another year and I'm very thankful that I am still here to live my life and be here for our kids. But tomorrow is also his birthday. We were the exact same age. October 28th was our favorite day of the year. It was awesome that for 10 years we celebrated our day of birth together. We would start celebrating the week before and sometimes for the whole month. But now I celebrate alone. And each little thing reminds me that he isn't here. That I'm going to parties and dinners and getting cards and well wishes and he isn't. And that I'm getting older and he isn't.

This is why I'm back in this place of deep pain and heartache. I do know now that it is temporary. That in a few days I will be back to myself again but it doesn't ease this pain. I have got to go through it to get beyond it. So today I will spend in mourning and sadness. And remembering the great life we shared. And how much he loved his birthday. So that tomorrow, I can celebrate my life and my birthday and maybe even dance!

Happy Birthday Bubby! I love you!

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Comment by Joyce on November 5, 2011 at 1:32pm

Glad you were able to have a good time and enjoy your birthday!  You deserve it and gives some of us newbies some hope.  Hugs to you and I agree this site is special.

Comment by WiddaWithHope on November 5, 2011 at 12:51pm
Thank you all for reaching out and supporting me. Overall, I had an amazing birthday. My friends and family took very good care of me. I did go out dancing on Friday and stayed out until 4am. I paid for that until Monday but it was worth it. Sending you all hugs. This is why this site is so special.
Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on October 27, 2011 at 8:14pm
Sending birthday wishes and hugs. So hard but how special to share your birthday with your love. Dance....
Comment by loveliveson on October 27, 2011 at 2:59pm
I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now.  That's really special you and your husband were born on the same day, but I see how difficult it must be.  In our house we have birthday week - Jorge, our sons, and I, all in the space of 7 days.    I wish you a happy birthday, and hope that tomorrow is a better day for you.
Comment by Marsha on October 27, 2011 at 11:28am
Happy birthday! I so understand being back in the place of pain. Oct. 28th would have been 33 years of marriage for me. Yes in a couple of days I will be able to feel better again too. My first birthday without him I purposely flew back home. Got to spend most of the day with our daughter and granddaughters back east. Couldn't bear being at home without him. Be good to yourself and I hope you have memories and friends to get you through. (((((hugs)))))
Comment by Sandy on October 27, 2011 at 6:52am
Awesome! I just love your positive attitude. Dance tomorrow.
Comment by jean on October 27, 2011 at 6:13am

Happy Birthday....  Mike's was last thursday, the first without him... I hear you loud and clear.. Thank you for sharing... thank you.  (((hugs)))   So many told me in the beginning to bury this pain and 'get over it' go get this, do that... without you all, I would of done that..  Thank you for showing me the way to get through this.

You all mean so much to me... and always will be in my prayers.. always. ((hugs))

Comment by KitKat on October 27, 2011 at 6:00am
Tomorrow is Charles birthday as well. Birthdays were so special and my big strapping retired Marine loved pink cakes because his favorite flavor of cake was strawberry. so silly that I still smile. The laughter that filled the house when people would see the cake was such a happy sound. Now pink makes me so sad and isn't it ironic that the entire month of October is covered in pink to honor and support the breast cancer fight. I never saw how much pink there really was until you are looking at it for a different reason.

Happy birthday to you. I remember my birthday very well and I think it was more painful than how i am feeling now and I'm only 12 days from the deathaversary. I think because he made the my birthday so special for me, because it was all about me, and then this year there was nothing, the feeling of all alone finally settled in. So I hope you can find comfort tomorrow. Go easy on yourself. Take care and know that you are not alone.
Comment by CrazyWidow on October 27, 2011 at 5:15am

I searched everywhere to see where I blogged about my first birthday without him.  But, that entire month of blog entries was lost in a server meltdown.  EEK.  And you know what?  I didn't blog on MY birthday that first year.  But I do remember it.  I was just too numb to really feel it all.  I remember being pissed off that this year Kevin wasn't going to buy me another plant. 

I started a new tradition of buying myself a plant, despite my black thumb, on sad memorial days - birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  The first or second year I remember going to a local greenhouse over the sadversary when it was cold and bitter outside.  Everything was dying, but in the greenhouse it was warm and growing and green.  It was the best place to feel life and alive again.

I hope you can recapture YOUR birthday the way you want it - knowing your heart that you will always be celebrating birthday for him as well.  Love you so very much, and I'm so glad to be walking this WITH you.

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