Everyone at this site have experienced bone-crushing knock-off-your-feet-and-decide-if-you-can-go-on type of loss of a loved one. If we are lucky, we learn how to navigate it and live with the grief monster. Some days are pretty good, some days pretty crappy. If we get really luck, we find true love again.
Eventually, we meet face to face with the grief monster by another big loss that kicks you to the ground. I didn't quite see it coming but the end was similar to my late wife's. I had the most incredible dog, a smart dog, compassionate and with such incredible love for me. We had such a strong bond, I could wink with my eyes a certain way and she would know exactly what I meant. A couple of months ago she didn't feel too good and I took her to an emergency vet and went through the whole rounds of tests. It turns out she had a bad urinary tract infection that had spread to the kidneys, serious but treatable. Time goes on and she doesn't kick it. We end up having to syring feed her and give her sub q fluids followed by a big number of vet appointments. Despite my fight for her life and doing everything I could just like with my late wife, it was all in vain. This week she got so weak she couldn't get up and was just shaking and was visibly hurting badly even with pain killer and you see the similar look as in a human when they are done fighting.
I had to what was right for her and let her go at the hands of the vet. It's was eerily similar in ways as when you know your spouse is about to die. You think you have an idea how it's going to suck but it kicks you so hard you don't even know how to breathe. The same bone crushing and overwhelming grief came over me again. It didn't help that I shared so many memories of my dog with my late wife. She picked her out as a surprise for me. She taught her so many neat tricks and great manners. She picked out the collar she wore one she was old enough until the last breath she took.