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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Everyone at this site have experienced bone-crushing knock-off-your-feet-and-decide-if-you-can-go-on type of loss of a loved one. If we are lucky, we learn how to navigate it and live with the grief monster. Some days are pretty good, some days pretty crappy. If we get really luck, we find true love again.

Eventually, we meet face to face with the grief monster by another big loss that kicks you to the ground. I didn't quite see it coming but the end was similar to my late wife's. I had the most incredible dog, a smart dog, compassionate and with such incredible love for me. We had such a strong bond, I could wink with my eyes a certain way and she would know exactly what I meant. A couple of months ago she didn't feel too good and I took her to an emergency vet and went through the whole rounds of tests. It turns out she had a bad urinary tract infection that had spread to the kidneys, serious but treatable. Time goes on and she doesn't kick it. We end up having to syring feed her and give her sub q fluids followed by a big number of vet appointments. Despite my fight for her life and doing everything I could just like with my late wife, it was all in vain. This week she got so weak she couldn't get up and was just shaking and was visibly hurting badly even with pain killer and you see the similar look as in a human when they are done fighting.

I had to what was right for her and let her go at the hands of the vet. It's was eerily similar in ways as when you know your spouse is about to die. You think you have an idea how it's going to suck but it kicks you so hard you don't even know how to breathe. The same bone crushing and overwhelming grief came over me again. It didn't help that I shared so many memories of my dog with my late wife. She picked her out as a surprise for me. She taught her so many neat tricks and great manners. She picked out the collar she wore one she was old enough until the last breath she took.

Death sucks!!!

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Comment by dstj03 on October 30, 2016 at 8:20pm

New to this site and just read this today. I had the same experience with my sweet dog. My husband passed away in Nov 2015 and I had to have Sadie put to sleep 2 weeks ago. We had her for 13 years and my son described her as more humanlike than dog. She was the best dog right from the start....calm, loving.....she loved people and loved going for rides in the car so I took her with me as much as I could. She was especially my sidekick after losing my husband. She was so youthful looking and energetic that everyone thought that she was still a puppy right up until the end. She got ill suddenly and was diagnosed with a malignant tumor in her spleen and liver. So, we had to say goodbye to her. That day hit me so hard and all of the grief that had eased a bit came roaring back.

Comment by swede dreams (mags) on August 7, 2016 at 3:03pm

Thanks @laurajay. 

Comment by laurajay on August 2, 2016 at 11:18pm

Hi neighbor.  May you find the same ease in finding  another pet to love as you did another woman to love.   Loves expands  and somewhere  your love is being sought in proportion to your grief.  Death is part of the cycle of life not a separate entity.   Sorry for your loss.

Comment by swede dreams (mags) on August 2, 2016 at 3:35am

Thanks @Rockon and @deaf widow. Grief does suck, everyone have their own scheduled for if/when they are ready again.

Comment by Rockon on August 1, 2016 at 11:38am

Ouch...Nothing hurts worse! I buried my cat 5 weeks after I lost my husband. She was sick when he was...That was 6+ years ago and I still am unable to bring another loved one of either human or fur into my life. As much as I love animals and I know it would be a "Blessing" to have someone to love. I am just not ready for that yet 'cause they are just so hard to lose. I know she is Safe...She is with her Papa. 

Comment by deaf widow on August 1, 2016 at 6:24am

wow...I have exactly the same story as your dog, except my dog passed 2 weeks just before my hubby passed.  He had adopted her when she came to our yard looking so lost.  We fell in love with her and she was so happy to live with us.  We didn't know she was sick 'til a year later.  Took her to the vet and the same story about her health as your dog.  So sad...still miss her and my hubby.

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