I'm hoping and thinking that the holidays will be better this year.
Last Thanksgiving was spent at DW's niece's house. Big crowd. Just tried my best to at least participate and to not bring anyone down.
Last Christmas - it sucked. Much sadness and grief. Fanned the flames by listening to meaningful songs and looking at the photos of our life together. I told my children that I would participate in anything that they wanted to do. But didn't feel very motivated to buy a tree, put up lights, buy presents...
Spent Christmas with DW's family, they came through with some gifts for my children. Made things better for them.
I'm planning on buying a tree this year and presents. I think that it will be a celebration.