This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

   We all know the "look". It's the one that says "Let me say hi and get away before she starts talking about him again", or "Oh no, she is going to mention his name-again". It's "I feel sorry for her but she should have moved on by now", it's the " Oh God, this is awkward and I am going to look away because I am so glad it's not me" look. It's all that and more, and we have all experienced it. It comes from family, friends, co-workers, etc. I have been getting that look for almost 6 years and it still hurts and makes me sad and sometimes angry. Yet, I am trying to understand that people are more comfortable  and more willing to spend time with me if I don't mention Kevin's name. They have their reasons, some of them think it will make me sad or make me cry, some just don't know what to do, some want me to shut up already  and move on. They don't understand and I get that. I don't want anyone to have to join the ranks of this club in order to understand. But I feel like a fraud and I feel  like I am doing a great diservice to Kevin's memory  and to the life we had together if I don't speak about him. I am very aware that time moves on and life is about the living, yadda yadda. I know that and I also know  there is never going to be a time when I don't miss him or feel the emptiness and sadness of not having him here. We were suppose to grow old together!  

    I have moved forward, we all have in our own ways. We found this place. I get up, I go to work, I do all the things  non-widowed people do.  One step forward, two steps back- somedays. In almost 6 years there are days, moments when it is not so blindingly raw and there are other moments when it feels like something ripped the scab off a wound. There are still times I am brought to my knees with a deep sadness. Then I get back up because that's what we do. I keep coming back here.  Even after all this time, I am grateful to have a place  to still be able speak freely about what this  life is like with others who get it, and maybe someone new to this " club" needs to hear that possibility exists.   


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Comment by oceangirl on July 25, 2013 at 2:10pm

Dublin - I can't tell you how much this post spoke to me. I hear you, sister! Especially your last paragraph - and I'm at 5 plus years. Am I supposed to negate 24 years of my life? For me, the sadness is so bone deep I can't even speak of it, most times. I can't explain it, even to close friends, and frankly, don't want to even try. I especially don't want to hear "oh, but he's still with you." Whatever. Yeah, I know, but I don't want to hear anyone else saying it, lol.

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