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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
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Amg10 Sending good thoughts your way. Grief was so intense that first year. I just passed the 4 year mark. I was married for 27-1/2 years, we were a couple for 28 years and best of friends for 37 years. For most, things do get better with time. So much to experience and to discover in this "new life." Grateful for my life with Cindy. Grateful that my children are doing so well.
I'm sorry I'm so late with my comment on your blog. 4 mos. is not a long time. I remember feeling the way you do for what seemed an eternity. I'm sorry to say that what Laurajay writes is the truth. Grief takes TIME. Yes, it does take a toll, but it is not insurmountable. Try to take care of yourself as if you were taking care of a friend going through this. Rest A LOT. Take lots of hot baths. Put lotion all over yourself. Try to eat. Go to bed early. All of this will help you with emotional balance. But also give yourself time to grieve. Time to sit in your car, or on a deck, or wherever, and listen to sad songs and cry. I cried a lot in the shower. It made me feel better, as I needed a release for all the sadness and fear. Be gentle with yourself. Listen to yourself. You feel like you don't care about anything right now, and that is understandable. A huge chunk of your heart has been ripped out. But your heart will heal. It will still have a scar forever and for always, but after it heals you will be able to help someone who is feeling the way you do right now. My deepest sympathies for your loss, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
Amg10. 4 yrs for me and the strange feeling and being alone has not worsened BUT it has changed. I was married only once to one man for 44yrs- no . Unexpected death with no reason-no illness, not old age nor an accident, no reason-he just died one day. Lots of us in that category. Your feelings are common and normal. No one will cause you to just take up with the first man who pays attention to you. You just say no until you have had enough time to grieve and your fear lessens. Read stories here of people who got involved too soon and then felt guilty or uncomfortable and had regret . You are starting a difficult but not impossible journey. Explore your options for a while and don't make any big decisions. Eat well, get enough sleep. Distract yourself when you are lonely and anxious with hobbies or groups of widows or volunteer . Just keep busy but don't get too tired. You will feel lousy now and then. You may feel like you are going crazy. You are not.
TIME is the biggest healer. And grief can take/demand tons of time...but baby steps are necessary to process all of this and you are just beginning. Trust yourself. Become your own best friend and do some reading about grief so it will not seem so fearful to you... Breathe. Slowly. You will not always feel like you do today but you must give it time. Stay in touch.
What you wrote right there, is so much how I felt at the beginning too. This (death) wasn't supposed to happen!! I felt like so much was robbed from me-and my kids! What about the future we had planned, and the parenting still to do, etc, etc (I won't keep going because I know you probably have those and tons more questions). ... I remember feeling numb, and then at moments I would get those sharp pangs that take over...
I read somewhere that we may not "move on"-how when we've lost our loves and with them the future we had envisioned..?-- But, we can move forward. That was helpful for me. Also, trying to see more than a day ahead was terrifying... so I stopped doing that and took just one day at a time like others here said. Sometimes it was just an hour at a time, but that's okay!
I also read that it's like the waves...sometimes you feel okay, the pain just below the surface, and other times, it takes over and tumbles you down, and you think you can't breathe...and then you find air again and you'll be okay for a while. At 2.5 years, I can say that is true for me...
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