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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I had the most comforting dream a couple nights ago, in that place between sleeping and waking. I was lying in bed and suddenly I felt a presence next to me, as if someone was sitting on the bed beside my legs, and the firm press of a comforting hand on my hips. In the dark, I couldn't see anyone, but I knew it must be Shane, even as my brain tried to think of other possibilities. Bobby? My brother had been staying with us, but he was house-sitting for someone else this week. He wasn't even in the house. An intruder? Likely they'd be more interested in electronics than watching a widow sleep. I had been warned that this kind of dream visit could be fleeting, but it seemed like the minutes stretched on, and I could still feel that warm hand on the other side of the covers. Eventually, I felt the presence get up, walk across the room, and heard my bedroom door open and then shut again. Wishful thinking? Maybe. But comforting, nonetheless.

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Comment by Steve on April 17, 2017 at 6:04am
Hi Debbie, everyone. My lifepartner Mike, of 31 yrs, passed March 1st, 2009, so i am now 8+ years into my journey without him physically here. We had been through so much together, had worked so hard on our relationship, we were very much in love with each other, best friends, and inseperable for approx 13 yrs prior to his passing. Im so grateful.
In the first month after Mike passing, i experienced many of these visitations, always around the time of his passing, 321am.
We had a 105 lb yellow labrador, "Avery" 6 yrs old at the time of Mikes passing, and he would rarely leave my side, during this time. He would walk the house during the night, i would hear him get a drink, then he would come back into my room, hop up on the bed, lick my face, curl up next to me and go back to sleep. Many, many nights i didnt sleep till after 3am. I would just lie in bed, have the tv on, muted, and just grieve. As i lie there often, i would feel a change in my home. Even though i didnt specifically hear anything, i could just feel, someone was in the house. Almost at the same time, i felt "something" Avery would stir, lift his head, listen. I could feel the energy walking down the hallway, my tv would start to pop and crack, the house would make sounds, of movement, in the attic, and walls, and then, i would feel something in my bedroom, and avery now, on high alert, would suddenly start being excited. His heavy tail at first thumping on the bed, he definitly saw someone he loved very much and was so happy to see. I would say, "hi baby, thanks so much for checking on us, i love you so much"! There were times i would wake, room dark, and i would feel Avery's body close behind me, feeling so comforted by this feeling of tremendous love, after feeling this for a few moments, Avery would shock me with his cold nose in my face in front of me, staring at me, he needed to go outside, and i would realize, the weight behind me was not Avery, he had been down on the floor, doung his nightly stroll thru the house, couldnt sleep, and was on the floor in front of me, saying "wake up papa, daddy is here"! There were also times, when i woke from a sleep, to a few thuds of Avery's tail, i would feel Mikes presence in our room, i would hear his knees crack, feel the weight of him sitting on his side of the bed, feel him crawl into bed behind me, feel his arm over me and i would go back to sleep, without even stirring, "Mikes home". Then it would hit me, "oh yea, Mike has passed". One night i was in one of my particular rough weeks, that i refer to as a tidal wave of grief. This is when this wave of deep sorrow, hopelessness would just wash over me, and my entire body grieved. I couldnt move, the pain was so tremendous, the utter thought of facing life without him, was unbearable. In the begining these tidal waves would last weeks. I was sitting up in bed, I felt Mike enter the room, Avery was happy, it was about 325am, i just sat in bed, propped up with pillows behind me, and i was furious! The tv was on, and i was mad at mike for being dead. I started to yell at him. "How could you do this to me"! I love you so much"! I thought we made a pact to be the first couple to be together for 100 years"! "Im 47"! "You fucked up"! At that point, for the first time, he grabbed the neckline of my t-shirt and pulled it down, quickly. There was no mistaking, he was letting me know, he was here. It shocked me so much, i started to cry, not out of fear, but just the realization, that, he really was here, it wasnt my imagination, or wishing, or my deluded, grief struck widows mind.
The next morning, i decided i was going to try to find a medium. I had no idea, if there were really people with this gift, or if they were all fakes, but i wanted to find out for myself. I started what turned out to be an 18 month journey, till i did find, a woman with a true honest gift. I just started by talking to everyone i was in contact with, "have you ever been to a medium, do you know anyone who has, so on. I would find one highly recommended, go to see them, but sadly be greatly dissappointed when, no connection. What i mean is, the info that shared with me, i didnt understand, couldnt find a connection with. I probably visited 5-7 mediums, over 10-13 months, with zero luck. I decided that, i would drop my hot pursuit, to find this special person, thinking, maybe there really isnt anyone that has this true gift.
Months later i was seeing my therapist, and in our session, he asked, " oh steve" " are you still interested in finding a medium"? I told him i was, however i had kinda givin up, after visiting so many with zero connection. Either they were not the real thing, or, maybe Mike just isnt interested in communicating with me, just wishes i would leave him alone! Lol. He gave me the contact info for this medium, another of his clients found, and i decided i would contact her. When i did, i discovered she had an 18 month waiting list, i was disappointed, but i went ahead and made an appointment with her for 18 months out, and then got on her waiting list for a cancellation. She warned me, that it was very rare she had a cancellation, and her waitlist had 60+ people on it, so i would probably wait the 18 months to see her. To my surprise about 2 weeks later, i got a call, advising a cancellation had occurred the following day at noon, and nobody else could make it on her waitlist, would i like the appointment. I took it. This lady turned out to have such a connection with Mike, it was just amazing. There is no doubt she had a true connection. She discussed his visits, nightly, how he always came to comfort me at night, Avery, our home, his cracking knees, me getting angry with him and him grabbing the neckline of my t-shirt, i truly knew that it was him, but it was so amazing to have a complete stranger, verify all the things, i thought i knew. Love is forever, even though our relationships change.
Comment by vintage56(barb) on April 7, 2017 at 4:03am

I have had two dream visits from my Frank since he passed. They seem SO REAL and are very comforting.

Comment by Callie2 on April 6, 2017 at 1:43pm
Debbie, happy for you! I had a dream visit from my husband and also from my Mother after she passed. It is comforting, to say the least. Very different from a regular dream. Clear, crisp, real and I remember every second of those dreams. Oddly, I had to walk towards him and I remember thinking this is a dream and I will wake up before I got to him. He stood there and grinned--I did get to him and felt him hug me.

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