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I think I'm gonna write. I know, what do you call THIS? I've been working (at a pace of about 3 pages a month) on my memoir since after Kevin died. If you go back to the early days of losing Kevin, you'll see that Kevin actually asked/told me to write our story, and I know he didn't just mean it to be a blog. He meant it to be more, he believed in me.
The boy also believes in me. He wants me to not only write but finish the book. To find some closure in having it written. To know that I did it, that I can do it. This all sounds so nice, but getting this done isn't easy.
For the first 30 some pages of the book (after re-write #1), my emotional capacity to deal with all the memories the memoir brought forth, was devastating. I had trouble writing about the good times without feeling horrible that Kevin could no longer be here. The last time I worked on it, something switched. I was writing about a Memorial Day beach trip with my brother and his wife (then girlfriend). It was a really fun trip, despite the rain and mosquitoes, and the whole post-camping-lyme-scare. Reflecting on this time made me smile-these were good times! Never to be had again, yes, but that doesn't annul the fact that different and new good times are here now, and ahead.
The story is bigger than my memory. The part I am writing, the intro, is all about how Kevin and I met (online-do you want to see the original site Kevin stumbled upon? I know you do: here it is: all my embarrassment), then met in person (first kiss in HIA airport I might add!), had a 'whirlwind' romance and were engaged within 8 months of meeting in person and after only about 7 face to face to visits, went through 7 months of US-Canada immigration, getting married, finding jobs, finding a home, getting a groove, getting out of debt, and then getting hit with the big C. After that, it will roll into The Boitsons blog. So far, I'm only in May of 2007 in my memory journey, but that's just over half of our Meeting-Cancer journey. It was short. From June 2005-July 2007 we enjoyed a blissful relationship, mad love, before we hit the cancer. It's a lot to write about, despite the short amount of time.
Right now, I'm writing about the fun stuff, and it's fun to write and remember! I need help from everyone who knew him and him and I, to share memories with me about times we spent together from June 2005-July 2007. If you have some, leave a comment. I want to hear them, especially since I can't remember all the little moments.
So what spurred on this excitement to write the memoir again? A chance meeting with the floor admin assistant last evening, from IICU at LGH. I met her at a Chamber mixer, she signed me into the event, recalled my last night, put the pieces together, and said "I remember you and your husband. I'm so sorry"-she explained her position there at IICU when Kevin was ill. IICU was a dramatic time-Kevin went from being spirited and ready to fight, to breathing via machine in a matter of a few days while there. It was devastating, and clearly, she remembers us. If you recall, back in the Fall when my Dad was in the IICU following his surgery, another nurse on the floor stopped me to tell me she had cared for Kevin. Did we really make that big of an impact that 3 years later they still remember him, me, the story?
The impact was made. It's one that's not just felt by myself. While our intro story may not be nearly as "exciting", it's got heart and soul, and we battled through a lot to even get to be together. The cancer part was only the end battle, and it showed just the heart and soul we HAD to keep fighting! If I say so myself, it's a damn good story, and I am honored, and excited, to get to share it with you.
So I need to get writing. And I need your encouragement. Send over what you have to help (suggestions & ideas: coffee, wine, coffee, beer, coffee, flowers, coffee, new computer screen, coffee, extra computer, coffee) :)
Originally posted 4/21 at http://crazywidow.info/?p=3378