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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

life goes on/ change is constant. My life's mantra.

My 21st blog on the 12th of September.

September....yikes. It's a difficult month for me. I have been keeping very busy, keeping my mind occupied with an array of things, keeping my body busy too.

              Breathe. 

Craig's birthday was September 2nd. He would have been 25. 

         Craig's accident was September 25th. He died on the 27th.  I am 27.

                   Our son is 10.5 months old...he is absolutely incredible.

I had the greatest day today.  I drove home with my 2 dogs and Jack in the back from Emsdale, where my boyfriend and his little girls live.  We were visiting them for a few days, I wanted to be there.  I like it there... a lot actually, but I LOVE it here the best.  Jack was in the greatest mood the whole way home (4.5 hour drive).

When we got home, we went for a jog (Jack, Diezel and I).  Big D really needs the exercise, and I found out while jogging, that I really needed it most of all.  I had such a moment of clarity. 

Jack was laughing and gargling away, Diezel was keeping up perfectly and I was breathing every step out. 

I was picturing my husband out on the soccer field and it gave me so much energy, it felt unreal.  The more that I jogged, the more Jack laughed, but poor D could no longer keep up, so I dropped his leash, and he went at his own pace legging behind.  I was feeling so free, and confident.  I just received an email moments before taking the jog from a friend of a friend of mine, who works for the town...apparently there is a lot of buzz in the town about this upcoming yoga studio opening soon (this would be MY yoga studio they are referring too)!!! 

This amped me up to take this jog... this motivated me to meditate too.  

This friend of a friend (who works for the town) also informed me that the company that I hired to do my business cards ripped the idea off of an already existing studio not too far from me...(I couldn't believe it, I really liked what 'they' came up with!!!) THANK goodness I didn't get them printed off yet---for crying out loud!  :S

So I have some work to do...some more delays with starting a business...but its to be expected, right?

Thankfully through this clarity, I think I've come up with a really great NEW idea, ALL ON MY OWN. fantastic.

Afterward, I made some supper. Fresh corn on the cob, grilled, seasoned and sauteed tofu cubes with figs and carrots. I am a vegetarian, Jack is too, for now at least.

         (NATURAL TRANSITION HERE)

Jack is on the pot now.

Since he was 9 months old.  He 'gets' the process... if only he could talk to tell me that he had to go... LOL. 

Just when I get the routine down, he switches it up. Little bugger. God how I love that little thing. 

      little chunk.

So on the pot today, I could not help but notice how much he was beginning to look a lot like his father. wow.

it blew my mind.

A few days I noticed the Chitty chin dimple.  crazy cute on Jack-o. :)

Not to mention the curls forming... he's got some 'nasss flow'.

And his eyes, WOW, they brought me to tears today.  He gave me this look that was SO his dad!!! and his eyes are really looking the shape of Craig's too.  Big eyes.  The left slightly bigger than the right... with slight puffiness underneath! 

If he starts getting the flakies, I will really start to freak out. hahaha.

Yeah, sure his hair is blond, and his eyes are blue, but he has to take on SOME of his mamas characteristics!!

As I am having this insane happy meltdown with my son on the pot... I let him have the phone to play with.--have to keep the baby mind occupied and having fun when battling out the patience on the pot.  

Anyway, some how the little dude presses just the right buttons to make the answering machine play the only saved message.  It was a message from my husband a few days before the accident.  CRAZY TIMING. talk about emotional.

It's basically the only audio recording that I have of him too.

I play it ...not often. It had been a long while.

Jack was crying (must have been a tough poopie) and I was crying because it was sure a tough momento.

Phewf.

Grief.

what a huge bag of insanity.

I am in complete awe of my life though.

Through such tragedy, brought my life more clarity.

It takes a lot of work.  

I had a good day today.  YES. 

My days, really, have been pretty awesome lately... I'd say even since late March/early April. 

I recall May being pretty amazing too... ;)

Life goes on, change is constant.

I get that.

My life is proof of that.

I do love my life.

However, I will always think of myself as a survivor.

that's fair.

**********************************

SMIT'S BLOG REFERENCE LIST

Diezel- my 3 year old brindle american bulldog rottweiler 

Chitty- my husband

Chitty chin dimple- the dimple that my husband's family (chittenden boys) have in the center of the bottom of their chin.

nass- nice

flow- hair

nass flow- nice hair

flakies- flakes that would form all over my husband's eye lashes, especially in the dryness of winter,  and especially when his allergies were acting up.

survivor- To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere: THAT'S US WIDVILLERS!

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Comment by suebru (Sue) on September 19, 2012 at 11:52am

Goodness, I needed to read this blog! You have encouraged and inspired me. What an amazing young woman you are. Big hugs to you, Jack and Big D

Sue :-)

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on September 18, 2012 at 3:58pm

stacey...i'm chuckling..thank you for the blog ref list. congrats on your yoga studio..we expect pics lady!!!! You are my hero..the way you roll with life...keep us posted lovely one.

Comment by bad ass widow on September 15, 2012 at 4:30pm

Stacy, I love this.  You are amazing and cant wait to hear more about the life you are creating for yourself and that cutie pie son of yours.

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on September 15, 2012 at 4:52am

Loved this, Stacy!  Felt like I was sitting at a table at Camp talking to you!  So happy you're having awesome and amazing days ... and good luck with your new business.

Comment by smit09 on September 13, 2012 at 11:43am

thank you ladies for your love filled feed back!

take care of yourselves!

:)

Comment by Joyce on September 13, 2012 at 10:14am

Oh I love reading this blog!  Thanks for sharing the good things happening in your life.  Gives us all hope.   I'm happy for you and I hope your new business takes off as I'm sure it will.  Glad you found out about the copycat busines cards before they were printed.  Please keep coming here to keep us posted.  Hugs!!!

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on September 13, 2012 at 4:42am

What a lovely and fun blog post! I so enjoyed reading it and going along for the ride (jog?). So excited about the possibilities of your future. You've got it going on gal! Hugs!

Comment by Marsha on September 12, 2012 at 6:45pm

Smit so many changes and all good. So excited for you! Grief does have a way of pulling us back in sometimes but with your attitude you will survive. Wishing you all the best with your new business and all your future dreams.

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