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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It's my memories. They are like two sides of a coin. One flip and I'm brought back to laughter and silly and happy, where smiles abound and giggles and joy are intermingles with love. They are the memories I need, that feel my soul and allow for that one foot in front of the other thing. Then there's another toss and it goes dark and scary and hurtful, where pain was a daily occurrence and where the feeling of helplessness took up residence. I want to find a way to weight the coin so that it only faces one way but I can't seem to do that. So here I am still stuck with both sides. I am so tired of dealing with the horror that cancer wreaked on my family. Tired of the nightmares that have embedded in my soul. So tired of the pain. I am successful at hiding it most of the time, pushing it down into that place inside me that others can't see. Sometimes it creeps up though and is so blindingly visible I want to run away. Does anyone have a one-sided coin they can spare?........

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Comment by only1sue on September 19, 2014 at 7:39am

Just had the two year anniversary of my husband's death.  I made sure i was busy all day so i didn't mope but got home and the dam broke and down I went into a fit of misery.  Yes, it is a two sided coin and you don't know which side will be uppermost.  Good days and bad days but acceptance that what will be will be helps.

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