It’s so wonderful to know that God loves us despite of our mishaps, bad decisions and disobedience especially when we delve into the love, grace and mercy that he bestows upon us even when we don’t deserve it. Widowhood is still yet growing on me. I have yet to capture all of its tangled roots that are planted in this seemingly good soil. Let me explain.
I have one particular root from the widowhood tree that seems to be stumped on the same growth. I consider myself a woman of substance, a woman with a past (as we all have), a woman who has (and still has) reclaimed her purity again, a woman who would welcome her Boaz.
But it’s a tough growth. Starting another relationship is tough, especially when you think you are ready and you soon find out that you are not. So, what do you do? You promised yourself you would not introduce the kids to your new-found friend until you were sure that a relationship was growing, but you did. You promised yourself that you would halt your emotions and take it slow but you couldn’t. You promised yourself that you would hear from God before selecting the right mate but you missed it. What do you do? How do you handle this? How do I tell my friends and family that the perfect guy I met is no more?
So, how did I handle this? I cried for days. I hated God. I wanted to withdraw from society, friends and life itself. I felt betrayed, used and not pretty anymore. Was I not pretty enough? Were my conversations not interesting enough? Was I too presumptuous in thinking that it was now time to get serious? All of this was swimming around in that tangled root. Widowhood had initiated its toll on me once more
I read a great quote the other day that pretty much summed up my ordeal, “Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.” ...
Still faithful...(More to come)