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The Widowhood Tree of Tangled Roots: Dating Ready

Picture It’s so wonderful to know that God loves us despite of our mishaps, bad decisions and disobedience especially when we delve into the love, grace and mercy that he bestows upon us even when we don’t deserve it. Widowhood is still yet growing on me. I have yet to capture all of its tangled roots that are planted in this seemingly good soil. Let me explain.

I have one particular root from the widowhood tree that seems to be stumped on the same growth. I consider myself a woman of substance, a woman with a past (as we all have), a woman who has (and still has) reclaimed her purity again, a woman who would welcome her Boaz.

But it’s a tough growth. Starting another relationship is tough, especially when you think you are ready and you soon find out that you are not. So, what do you do? You promised yourself you would not introduce the kids to your new-found friend until you were sure that a relationship was growing, but you did. You promised yourself that you would halt your emotions and take it slow but you couldn’t. You promised yourself that you would hear from God before selecting the right mate but you missed it. What do you do? How do you handle this? How do I tell my friends and family that the perfect guy I met is no more?
So, how did I handle this? I cried for days. I hated God. I wanted to withdraw from society, friends and life itself. I felt betrayed, used and not pretty anymore.  Was I not pretty enough?  Were my conversations not interesting enough? Was I too presumptuous in thinking that it was now time to get serious? All of this was swimming around in that tangled root. Widowhood had initiated its toll on me once more

I read a great quote the other day that pretty much summed up my ordeal, “Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.” ...

Still faithful...(More to come)

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Comment by Mariposa on June 24, 2013 at 11:14am

I commend anyone who has ventured their heart after losing a beloved spouse to be courageous and dare to love again. I applaud you. That is the pulse of LIFE. 

I have not dated yet, but I have had plenty of men hit on me, several within weeks of losing my spouse. I was not receptive to say the least.

All I can say is that the pain we feel is a vivid reminder of the depth of our loss, but it reminds us how alive we are. Life calls us forth especially for those of us who consider ourselves "young enough" to start again.

I am still raising a teen son, and  I yearn for companionship, physical intimacy and for love.   I believe my heart is big enough and strong enough to love again when I am ready. Life is a beautiful gift.  Life and love are beautiful, just as nature is beautiful. Nature is where we find places of serene beauty and majestic, yet is also the place where we find the fury and destruction that storms, tornadoes, and hurricanes bring. 

I had a crush on someone last year, a man who called us and I spent time chatting on the phone with. Then he mentioned he started to date, and my heart fell with a crash.  But I'm okay. I am full of love even though I am alone.  Perhaps one day God will bring me someone with whom to share it.

Peace, healing and blessing to you all!

Comment by Sabra on June 23, 2013 at 6:06pm

Hugs back, SpiritWalker...lots of hugs!! Same to you, Lori!

Comment by Lori on June 19, 2013 at 10:22am

hugs, love and life are messy but so so worth it! take care

Comment by SpiritWalker on June 17, 2013 at 11:14pm

Well..first I hurt!!! Cause i didn't know what was happening nor why it was happening.  She was a coward and never spoke the truth.   She ran like fire on a gas ingnited wick.  I had to return to my native state to deal with family problems and while i was gone..she shut the door on me.  She slammed the door and never offered a single explaination on why she was doing as she was.  Until this day I still do not have a reasonable word from her as to why she did as she did.  Suffice to say I left her alone, when she made it clear I should.  Trust me that took a great deal of GOD given restrain to accomplish...being human we all want answers.  My last convo with her went like this...Me "I'm sorry for whatever has gone wrong here!"......Her (as she looked into my eye's) "Just take care of yourself!"  and she walked to her truck and lower her window to repeat those words..and drove off!!  That was the last word she spoke to me on September 3, 2009...I have never heard a word since...and have had to pray and work my way thru it all. 

i am stronger than I ever thought I could be..with each life event I have found new strenght...and it all comes from my faith in my Father God....my life has been full of new events and new strenghts...to tell them all here would be a book in itself...but suffice it to say...I find my strength an hope in God.  He has never failed me yet...I have failed Him..but He has never let me down....so when it comes to pain or difficulties I lean on Him....Hugs.... 

Comment by Sabra on June 16, 2013 at 5:40pm

SpiritWalker, thanks again for your testimony. It had to be difficult for you to lose a spouse both times...My heart feels for you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I just couldnt ever imagine something like that happening to me...How did you get through it?

Comment by Sabra on June 16, 2013 at 5:32pm

Thanks SpiritWalker! It was such a short encounter (no sex --not even a kiss--involved but I let my emotions go awry). I was sooo sure he was the one...his birthdate was the day I proclaimed a new beginning, he looked like my husband and...we knew some of the same people. I knew that all of this were signs, but it wasn't. I'm taking it slow, focusing on ME and getting myself together first. I humbly take your advice...Jerry, it's different for everyone. Don't allow bitterness to overcome the love that you hold. I said the same thing after my experience. I was hateful for a bit but I read this great article the other day that put everything in perspective for me. I'm not sure of your faith, but this article hit things head on. The main thing I learned was that I need to get me together. I need to appreciate me before I can appreciate anyone else. http://pastormark.tv/2011/10/26/dating-relating-and-fornicating

Keep smiling. Don't allow defeat to defeat your love...Hugs...

Comment by Jerry on June 16, 2013 at 4:37pm
This dating after losing a spouse is a real problem for me. I think for me it's down deep in my heart I don't think is the right thing to do, at least for me. I believe it up to the individual. The sex part became a problem, not so much about the sex as what I believed continuing sex would lead to. I think I don't want to be a couple with anyone again. I know I wouldn't feel so guilty having a one night stand, or at least I would get over it in a short time. I just don't have the emotion of love any longer.
Comment by SpiritWalker on June 14, 2013 at 3:57pm

I love your thoughts on love and God's guidance.  A year and a month after my wife passed...I married a widowed woman i'd been dating for several months.  I was ready...alas she was not.  She was sure she was, but less then 4 months later she unceremoniously cast me out of her life.  I had spent many hours seeking God's will for my life, after Cathie had passed and knew in my heart it was the right thing for me... to move on and love again and begin again. 

Best laid plans of mice and men quickly go awry....and in the end the pain I felt over the disatorious decsion of marrying the woman was worse in many ways than the loss of my wife.  It all seemed so right as I enterd the relationship...but as I found and (questioned my choice) the new woman wasn't at all aware of what she wanted. I have had 3 and a half years since to look back on the whole mess and seek God in the healing. 

Here's what I have concluded...and offer as an answer...be happy that Mr. wonderful left before you dove in over your head.  Thank God for answers to unasked prayers....somewhere and at the right moment when you least expect it...the right ONE will walk into your life.   For now it isn't about you and whether you are good, bad, ugly, or pretty ( just to name a few)...It's about them being ready for you.  It's about them knowing how to treat you and value you as the diamond God created you to be....till then Rock On my Dear...God has a plan....Hugs  

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