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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

There were so many things my husband loved.

Movies.

Awards shows.

Musicals.

Music shows.

Things I don't watch anymore.

Glee.  Oscars.  So You Think You Can Dance.  Dancing With The Stars.

I don't watch them because I want to share them with him.  I go to tell him something, even after all this time.   And then... the hurt hits.  My heart hurts.  I remember what I've lost.

After 32 months.  I still get hit in the chest by the pain of losing him.

I'm deliberately watching the Oscars tonight.

I am on purpose watching a show that was something he and I watched together.

I am not wallowing, but I am letting the pain wash over me.   I am breathing through the sadness.  I am feeling it.

I have heard/read somewhere that in order to let something go, you must first have a hold of it.

I can't let go of the pain, I can't move past the pain, I can't leave the pain behind if I don't FEEL the pain.

The well of pain is deep and at times seems limitless.   But I know as time goes by, as I move through each wave of pain, as I learn to swim in the deep ocean of grief... it becomes easier.   Not consistently, but it does.  There are times I'm drowning, but there are times when I feel the pain...and I let it go.

Slowly... I'm getting better at the letting go.   Slowly.

In the meantime... I make choices as to when I wish to submerge myself in that pain... sometimes... so I can learn to swim.

Grief Is Like the Ocean

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Comment by Belinda on February 24, 2015 at 7:17am

Hi Jane. That was brave of you. Congratulations. One of the things that I miss about my husband, is taking care of all the handyman thinks that need to be done. I sometime breakdown in tears when I need to handle something that my husband would have done. Now I have to depend on others and technicians to handle. I am presently waiting for a technician to come and program my garage door opener for me. I attempted, but I am too short and do not have a ladder tall enough.

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