Who remembers the Claytons ads? You know, the drink you have when you're not having a drink? Well I've made a Claytons decision about my husbands ashes...the decision you make when you can't make a decision lol. After much toing and froing I finally decided to take Doug's ashes home to his parents for them to decide what to do with them. We were together for just short of 6 years. We experienced a lot in this years, good and bad. In the end he chose to take his own life for many reasons and left instructions as to what he wanted done with his remains.
However, after many months of thought and angst I decided that he no longer got a vote on what was to happen with his remains. We were the ones left to cope with the aftermath, so it really became our decision what was to happen now. And I decided the easiest decision was to take him home.
So the allotted day arrived (the day before our 7th wedding anniversary, my decision. I felt there was a certain amount of symmetry to this). The day was a lovely, fresh winters Sunday morning and I felt all sorts of conflicting emotions. Strength, fear, peace, angst, regret, resoluteness...you get the drift. I picked up my youngest daughter on the way and headed 2 hours north. We were greeted with big hugs and a lovely lunch. We talked lots about our new lives without Doug and his parents seemed sincerely happy for us.
Then I gave them his ashes...in a box wrapped in gift wrap (just as the funeral home had given them to me). Sure enough tears weren't far away, but the relief on their faces and in my heart said it all...this felt right. And when it comes down to it, that's the most important thing isn't it?