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Today marks 3 months that I am without my beloved husband Mike. Every day gets harder and harder to go on without him. I feel like such a different person today than I was before he passed, The me that I was have died with him. I feel like I am only existing but not feeling. I am numb inside. I have no desire to do anything, It is so difficult to sleep and it is difficult to wake up without him. I often ask myself if I was a good enough wife and think of ways that I could have been better, I was with him for 42 years I don't know how to exist without him. Mike was my everything, my soulmate, my lover, my friend and my heart. I felt so safe with him by my side. I can not see how life can ever get better because I had it all. I want to go back to the beginning and relive our life all over again. I want to see him young and healthy, holding our sons in his arms, loving me, his beautiful smile, his words of wisdom, his love of life. He was the most amazing husband in the world. I can not believe I have to go on without him, I don't want to but I have no choice. I often wonder if I will ever laugh or be happy again. I wish I had gone before him so I did not have to face another day without him. God how I miss him. I will love you Mike, always and forever

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Comment by DIVA70 on September 3, 2018 at 10:31pm

Its been four months since my husband of 47 plus years passed away suddenly. We had so many plans. He was my best friend, my protector, my confidant, my lover, my knight in shining armor. So I understand how you must be feeling. I have a wonderful support group in my children, my grandchildren and my church....but the fact is our lives have changed forever. I pray we both find the strength to hold on until the pain no longer colors our every step.

Comment by Tekwriter on August 29, 2018 at 5:11am

I understand how you feel. I lost my husband of 34 years on May 3rd. Life is so hard without him. He loved and protected me through all of our marriage. I guess I just didn't realize how much until I lost him. Every thing is so hard now. He was the most wonderful man. I am constantly crying and it is hard to get through the days.

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on August 19, 2018 at 5:32pm

((LuLu)) There are several parts of this blog that I could have written too.  I struggle so much with knowing who I am without Jerry.  I know who I want to be and am learning as I go.  

Please love yourself as you are, and know that while this life is different we are still "okay".   There will be a day when you'll laugh a real belly laugh (and it will shock you!)  One of the worst things you can do is second guess yourself and the life you shared with Mike.  Put all of that out of your head and know that he loved you every bit as much as you love him.  It's still so early and raw for you and only a bit better for me, so I don't exactly feel qualified to give advice but I will for what it's worth say,  just a few more months will make a difference.  Keep trying to find the new you, and keep trying to flash the world the beautiful smile Mike got to see.  We've been put in one of the worst situations imaginable and it wasn't our choice, and you're right, we have no choice but to go on.  We do have the choice as to who we want to be and how we live from here on out.  I hope with all of my heart you'll make the choice to learn how to see the beauty that's still right in front of you.  XOXO

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