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Three Years After George Died in Elephant Journal

April 10, 2016 will be the three year anniversary of my husband George's death. I’d hoped to feel healed by now, to have emerged from grieving stronger and complete, but most of the time I don't feel that way. It’s like there’s this sad, little rodent within me that scurries against my ribs when it’s sad or anxious, like some part of me dissolved into this animal after George died...

This is the start of my article Here in Elephant Journal.  I talk about how loss and loneliness turned me into a different person, but it's funny too:  In movies, the bereaved mourns gracefully, still looking perfect the whole time. After establishing a cute new business, she remarries within a moronically short amount of time and moves to a renovated yellow cottage with French doors, a Labrador retriever and a guy who looks like Richard Gere.

If you wanted to check it out, I'd really appreciate it.  It sort of distills my three years of widowhood into one article. My blog is at The Hungover Widow.

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Comment by KayeL on March 28, 2016 at 8:34pm

I actually read your blog awhile back a little after my husband passed.

He was 40, I am 36. He died just about three months ago. I totally could relate to what you said on your blog- why God chose great relationships and make genuinely happy couples to suffer? Hubby and I, though, have only been together for 15 years and married for 5, but we have always been so in love since the day we started holding hands. Friends envy our marriage. Relatives and friends couldn't help but praise what a fine man my husband was. Everyone concurred I was the luckiest girl on the planet, until the damn God struck lightning on us both. My husband, too, got cancer and died within a month after diagnosis.

I am in pain every day. I miss and yearn for his presence. I don't put up a brave face. Rest assured I allow everyone knows the pain and anger I am having at the moment. The worst is I know I will be in pain for as long as I shall live. This void inside me will never ever to go away. Sometimes I wish he and I weren't that in love then I could move forward easier. An almost relationship does not help me to mourn better but the other way round. I simply hate this damn life which I used to love so much. What's there for me to move on when my soulmate abandoned me? He was my best of friend and everything I have ever asked for. Again, I simply hate this life. 

Comment by The Hungover Widow on March 26, 2016 at 10:32am

I added the link to the main post as well. 

Comment by The Hungover Widow on March 26, 2016 at 10:31am

Hi Hope.  thanks for asking.  My blog is a The Hungover Widow.

Comment by Hope on March 26, 2016 at 6:11am

Yes, that fairy tale ending of grief........funny. I am not sure where to find your blog...can you direct me? Is there more here on WV?

Comment by The Hungover Widow on March 25, 2016 at 2:54pm
Thanks so much Melissa!

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