I have hoped for rescue over and over these past months. Somebody to just scoop me up and take me away to another life. I look around and find that I'm in the same kind of place with the same kind of old crazy people. I basically have the same life but think I can say that I'm in a different emotional place. Panic still comes and goes and I still want to holler out to someone who is definitely not listening to 'save me' but more often I'm starting to get the difference between rescue and support. Dammit, I think I've got this. I'm not, not crazy, but I've sure as hell learned to recognize it when I see it. Staying the hell away from it if at all possible. And, also, finding out that it is possible to block out the background noise of crazy. Quit Hollerin' At Me grabbed me right away when I first heard it but now I'm connecting on another level. Shut the hell up, people! I'll get to it when I can. I'm shutting out as much background noise as possible.
I don't so much need rescue anymore because I'm starting to realize I've already got a lot of support. I've got a few people who are pulling for me. Maybe a lot of people. And the people that are pulling on me wanting to be rescued need to back the hell off. Don't set your hair on fire and then come climbing on me. I'll help you plan, buy you some books, sit with you at a meeting, love on your babies, and kiss your old ladies. That's support. And, when you piss off the planning, drag up late or don't show up at all, trash talk your team members, or go around planting little fart bombs all over the organization, do NOT come to me and hope I'm going to bail you out.
Whining sure feels good some times but it needs to be where nobody has to actually listen to it--where it doesn't claw up under the skin of other people who are just hanging on. I'm better and gonna be much better. Waking up from paralysis. Crooked damn time. Only acknowledging the fact.
Yesterday morning an ill wind came
blew your picture
right out of the picture frame
even blew the candle out
from underneath the flame
Yesterday morning an ill wind came.