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Today is his birthday tomorrow is his death date

I sit by myself today in my backyard.  My husband would have been 37 today.  We would have been out our cabin, drinking beer and enjoying the long weekend.  Today, I sit by myself and wish him a very quiet happy birthday alone.  I have been a wreck for over a month dreading this weekend.  Today, I'm exhausted but calm. It's the calm that I hope stays with me to endure the one year mark tomorrow. 

Happy 37th birthday today wherever your journey has lead you my love.

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Comment by IndiaKai on July 15, 2014 at 7:32am

It's okay Joanne.  I didn't really say anything.  Everything happened in June/July so it's just a rough couple of weeks to get through.  But I did it.  It helped being down in San Diego at that time too and meeting you and everyone else that came into my life.  You never know where my travels may lead me.  Right now I have to stick to my town for a couple of months.  I have to start dealing with my house & Toby's personal items. I just ended up shutting the door to our rooms. Soooo.... I feel i'm ready to slowly start picking through it.  

Comment by Joanne on July 14, 2014 at 10:32am

Oh Erin I didn't realize it had just been his birthday before you came:( I was overwhelmed with meeting so many others and trying to keep things straight...  I would love to get together with you if you are ever in BC or possibly on the coast of Washington.  If you ever decide you want to travel or try living in another country and need someone to go with you I would definitely be interested if you want a companion..  It was great to meet you at camp you are so much fun to be with.  Take care, Joanne 

Comment by IndiaKai on July 7, 2014 at 7:52am

Thank you.  I woke up this morning and I am surprisingly very calm still.  I think my anxiety was worse building up to this weekend.  It is a beautiful day here this AM in the Pacific Northwest.  I made my coffee and I sat out on our back porch.  I'm not numb, I don't feel deep sorrow, i'm just calm.  I cried lightly on my patio, but i'm oddly at peace.  Maybe this is his gift today.  To soothe my trouble soul today.  I'll take the moment of peace and calm.  

Comment by Doug02122014 on July 7, 2014 at 5:48am
Awe Erin.

((((Erin+Toby 4-EVER))))

Hang in there kiddo. We are all her for you!

Don't be afraid to reach out if it would help. You have so many friends here ( I mean adopted family ) I truly feel like all here are my adoptive family now; some have taken me in & I taken in others.

My Big Anniversaries are fast approaching and like you mentioned I'm dreading them too.

If anything I can do to help drop me a message.

I/we got your back.

Comment by Mac on July 7, 2014 at 5:33am

Sending good thoughts your way ((InidaKai))

Comment by sugr-plum (shelly) on July 6, 2014 at 7:09pm

((( IndiaKai))) Hope the calm stays for you... 

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