Travelling Alone........Somethings Missing

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Comment by Jerry on May 12, 2012 at 4:07pm

Diane, thanks for your reply. I really haven't been sitting around feeling sad since my wife passed away. My moms illness, then her passing away have been keeping me busy the past two years.Getting her houses ready to sell ,and trying to deal with my aunt who lived with my mom have been a job. I found a great place for my aunt to live, have the house on the market and hopefully soon things will fall ino place. Maybe then I can do some fun things for my self. I do think my wife wouldn't want me to go on with my life and have some enjoyment. Wishing althe moms that read this a happy mothers day.

Comment by freddieb on May 12, 2012 at 3:42pm

ginadf, I am so glad that you took that vacation.  Believe it or not, it is a good sign that you even went by yourself.  It's a sign of healing.  After Walter passed away I took my first trip alone to Washington, DC.  He and I had always wanted to go there.  I thought of him every second.  I felt like every museum or memorial I went to that he was there with me, but it felt so strange when I looked at the pictures of me standing someplace smiling because he wasn't standing there hugging me.  I was sad for a while after my trip, and lonelier than ever, but then I was glad that I'd done it.  I felt stronger like I really can make it after all.  I knew Walter would be proud of that. And, yes, you will always have that special place for Sal.  He just made it to heaven before you, that's all.  Take care and God bless.  I'm glad you made it home.   ((((Hugs))) 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on May 12, 2012 at 3:25pm

Jerry ... but doing these things is what is important. At first it's very hard, but the next time may be a bit better. I've signed up for things and then backed out, and I've done some things and wished I'd just stayed home - but I've also forced myself out the door and then really enjoyed myself. And those are the moments where I knew that Vern was smiling. He wants me to figure this all out and the only way I can do that is to just keep trying.

Of course, I wish he were with me as I see and experience new things. The 'missing him' doesn't go away, but I've found it replaced with a peace that I'm seeing these new places for him, too. Going to Key West, walking on the beach at Camp Widow, strolling through the rain at Brookgreen Gardens, even coming home with a new hair cut and color ... I feel him with me always and at 19 months it doesn't always bring me to tears.

Comment by Jerry on May 12, 2012 at 1:49pm

It been over 2 years that my wife has passed away and although I have been invited to a few peoples homes for a visit I haven't accepted any.
When I do find myself in a situation where I am beginning to have some enjoyment, thats when it hits me that my partner is missing out on it. Reading what you wrote, at least let's me know it is something to be expected, that's for sharing this here.

Comment by Kerryn on May 2, 2012 at 2:09pm

Gina,

Thanks for sharing.  I found similar thoughts when I traveled w/ our sons. The trip was the last one Dave & I had planned together, but didn't get the chance to take.  I'd never traveled that far (Iowa - Florida) alone w/ the boys and had always let Dave take the lead.  We made it and things went well, but oh how I missed him.  He was the "fun" one.  I think what I missed most, other than just his presence, was how we'd talk over things each day during the trip - yes, I talked with the boys and we did things differently, but there are just things and ways of talking that are different between you and your spouse, than you and your children.  It was, even w/ the boys, for me, lonely.  But, we'll keep traveling.  It was important to both of us that our boys see places and interact with people other than just those around our home.

Comment by ginadf on May 2, 2012 at 7:54am

Thanks for the comments guys.  I was with my daughter and her family, but it was still so hard getting used to him not being with me.

Comment by Ace on May 2, 2012 at 12:36am

Very Brave of you. Traveling is what helped me to keep going...I always am planning that next trip. I still have not unpacked from Camp Widow east. Lots of challenges to overcome as you travel your path as the new normal YOU that you are becoming. ((hugs))

Comment by celestia (Suzanne) on May 1, 2012 at 10:09pm

I think it was very courageous to travel by yourself. I also think that it will get easier to do in the future. We have to start somewhere, don't we? I know our loved ones would want us to get out and LIVE. Maybe in the future you could travel with another widow? 

But thanks for sharing that and know that you will inspire others who maybe are afraid to venture forth. And you'll be able to encourage them because you KNOW it can be done. You did it!