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I hate when memories sneak up on you. Days you should remember, days that should stick out, somehow get lost in the shuffle of grief and sneak up on you unawares. I'm a Millenial, so of course it was Facebook that reminded me this morning: 4 years ago Debbie & Shane Got Engaged! The post showed photos we were tagged in together--a glimpse into our relationship...from wedding photos, to a photo of his urn with our wedding rings on top of it and a picture of us kissing in the background. I succumbed instantly to a wave of grief, breaking down into gasping sobs at my computer, and it changed the whole tone of the day, even though I was able to go on and do what I needed to do later. I am so lonely tonight. So aware that I am without my companion. Damn you, death.

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Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on May 21, 2018 at 6:35pm

Vintage56 (barb) to use the feature, you have to include the appropriate dates including the right year. That was my mistake at first, that and not realizing some dates that would be triggering. For example, you can't just put in "0ctober 14-November 9" you have to add 2016 (for me)

Comment by vintage56(barb) on May 21, 2018 at 7:22am

I just went back and tried again to turn them off, as usual with FB it was confusing and I don't think I did anything. I put in dates to avoid and it ignored them.

Comment by Athena53 on May 13, 2018 at 4:10pm


I'm sorry your day started off so badly.  I just did a search and apparently there are ways to turn that feature off.   Here's a link.

I've kept mine turned on; there are plenty of good memories and not all of them include pictures of Ron (I post old family pictures from time to time, or pictures of me with the grandchildren).    

Comment by Callie2 on May 13, 2018 at 11:43am

I know how sad it makes us feel, but the memories will be with us forever Debbie. At the same time, you wouldn’t want these memories to disappear either, would you? I think the difference that time makes is that these memories  one day will not be so sad.  I’m not suggesting we ever stop missing them but we can look back on the time we shared with our spouses without crying and sobbing out of control. However, it’s best to allow these emotions flow for now as long as you’re feeling this way. Time not only helps to heal, it also helps us gain a new perspective about our lives. For me, it was about being grateful for the time we shared. 

I understand how difficult it is to deal with the emotions— it uses up a lot of energy and leaves us feeling very vulnerable.  There are even times when I tear up still, but it’s more bittersweet than sad. Pictures were the hardest for me, it actually took years before I could look at them without crying. Again, time does heal. I wish you peace.

Comment by MartyG (ver. 2.4) on May 12, 2018 at 1:22pm

Hey, Deb...I hear ya!!  My triggers are all around and pop up often when I least expect them.  So far, I get thru the "wave" in 10 or so minutes.  I force myself to think of something nasty and/or just plain mundane.  Like cleaning the shower stall, or Last nite on the way home from a church Home Fellowship Group mtg (that was fun...4 coupled my age who had each been married umpteenth years...and me..all by myself) They were nice....I knew them from  church but....they yakked after the study itself was over about their summer travel plans.  I, of course, have N O N  E ...ZERO.....ZILTCH!!!!! unless I accept my older boy's offer and go to the Jersey shore with them in July. Means I would have to take AMTRAK up to Philly by myself (:  Anyway, but younger son and his fiancee took a selfie at Sharon's grave site. I guess they went up there 'cause Sunday is Mother's Day.  Saw her passing date on the monument (a pic posted on my profile page here).  Anyway....they sent me the .jpeg attached to a TXT which said "Thinking of you and Mom".  So I started to cry and the couple who were driving back to their house where I had parked my truck (they live < 1 mile away from me), asked me what happened and I told 'em.  They were sympathetic know....they don't feel what I do. And I hope they never will although the odds say one of them will, down the road. area  GREAT Main Chat Room friend !! Hang in do a great deal to pick up our spirits here in the Village none of us want to be in.

Comment by vintage56(barb) on May 12, 2018 at 10:02am

I HATE when FB does that!! For a while you could turn it off, now I don't think you can. Don't they realize all memories are not happy ones?

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