A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
My dear, sweet Vern left this earth 2 years ago today. I miss him. I miss him every moment of every day. But I am finding my way into this new life. It's not easy. Oh boy, it's not easy. I have to really push myself. But I'm doing it. Because I promised him I would. And in all of our 41 years of marriage, I kept my promises.
Widowed Village was here for me at 4 months. I spent my weekends in my jammies in front of the laptop, rarely venturing out the front door, choosing to stay connected to friends I had yet to meet. But it saved my life. Crystal, Tracy, Tanya, Lisa, Peter, Floyd, Jeanne, Patter, James, Dawn, Krista, Joe, Chris and so many others ... we connected in the chat room and held each other up, while also surprising ourselves with having a little fun in there along the way.
I pushed myself to go to the 2011 Camp Widow at 11 months, to meet some of these wonderful people. And I've attended both of the 2012 Camps to meet even more. Ive already signed up for both of the 2013 Camps. The workshops, the connections made, spending those days surrounded by people who understand what this is like ... it fuels my soul.
Most of the people I connected with early on do not spend much time here in WV any longer. And that's ok. It's a good sign of their healing and being able to move forward with their lives. A few I've stayed in touch with through FB or emails. At first thought, since I've remained active here, that can feel like another loss - but it's not. There's a saying about people coming into your life for a reason, a season ... and that's how I look at it. We were here for each other when we were most vulnerable. The friendships were real and true. They mattered. Deeply. And as we each find our way into whatever our future holds, it's ok if some of those connections don't remain as strong. Just as I am so grateful for God bringing Vern & I together back in 1969, I am also forever grateful for the very special WV friends who held my hand across these past 20 months.
I think it's important for us to find whatever it is that will help us heal. For me, it was WV and Camp Widow and Brave Girl Camp and continuing to work when I really wanted to retire. We have to face this journey alone - at least for awhile - and figuring out what we want our remaining years to hold, what will make us happy, what new things might bring us joy ... is something we must do to move forward.
So here I am today, marking another milestone. People on the outside think that I'm 'all better' - or that I should be. Two years is long enough they think. But one day they will learn that what they thought isn't true. One day, each and every one of them will have to join us on this journey. It's a part of life. And then they will learn that 'all better' has a completely different meaning when you're living it. I can put on the happy face, I can step outside my comfort zone to try new things, I can actually enjoy being alone sometimes. But the hole in my heart is real and it is forever.