A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Two Years???
My dear, sweet Vern left this earth 2 years ago today. I miss him. I miss him every moment of every day. But I am finding my way into this new life. It's not easy. Oh boy, it's not easy. I have to really push myself. But I'm doing it. Because I promised him I would. And in all of our 41 years of marriage, I kept my promises.
Widowed Village was here for me at 4 months. I spent my weekends in my jammies in front of the laptop, rarely venturing out the front door, choosing to stay connected to friends I had yet to meet. But it saved my life. Crystal, Tracy, Tanya, Lisa, Peter, Floyd, Jeanne, Patter, James, Dawn, Krista, Joe, Chris and so many others ... we connected in the chat room and held each other up, while also surprising ourselves with having a little fun in there along the way.
I pushed myself to go to the 2011 Camp Widow at 11 months, to meet some of these wonderful people. And I've attended both of the 2012 Camps to meet even more. Ive already signed up for both of the 2013 Camps. The workshops, the connections made, spending those days surrounded by people who understand what this is like ... it fuels my soul.
Most of the people I connected with early on do not spend much time here in WV any longer. And that's ok. It's a good sign of their healing and being able to move forward with their lives. A few I've stayed in touch with through FB or emails. At first thought, since I've remained active here, that can feel like another loss - but it's not. There's a saying about people coming into your life for a reason, a season ... and that's how I look at it. We were here for each other when we were most vulnerable. The friendships were real and true. They mattered. Deeply. And as we each find our way into whatever our future holds, it's ok if some of those connections don't remain as strong. Just as I am so grateful for God bringing Vern & I together back in 1969, I am also forever grateful for the very special WV friends who held my hand across these past 20 months.
I think it's important for us to find whatever it is that will help us heal. For me, it was WV and Camp Widow and Brave Girl Camp and continuing to work when I really wanted to retire. We have to face this journey alone - at least for awhile - and figuring out what we want our remaining years to hold, what will make us happy, what new things might bring us joy ... is something we must do to move forward.
So here I am today, marking another milestone. People on the outside think that I'm 'all better' - or that I should be. Two years is long enough they think. But one day they will learn that what they thought isn't true. One day, each and every one of them will have to join us on this journey. It's a part of life. And then they will learn that 'all better' has a completely different meaning when you're living it. I can put on the happy face, I can step outside my comfort zone to try new things, I can actually enjoy being alone sometimes. But the hole in my heart is real and it is forever.
Comment
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Comment by Lori on November 28, 2012 at 10:11am -
hugs and thanks for being here....for all of us newbies.
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Comment by smit09 on November 28, 2012 at 7:26am -
I love you Dianne
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Comment by lovie on September 26, 2012 at 3:03am -
Dianne, what a beautiful poem and blog post! Once again, through your own grief, you are helping others heal. I truly think that God is working through you to help others survive this horrible journey of widowhood. You have given so many others hope when you are still hurting so much as in the spirit of Christ to help others above all. Thank you for being here for us. Meeting you at Camp Widow was a highlight of my trip. You truly deserved the Volunteer Award presented to you!! Hope to see you again in April.
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Comment by jean on September 25, 2012 at 3:39pm -
Miss Dianne, you have been here for so many people, you were one of the firsts to welcome me. Know you are always in my prayers, we don't know each other well, but know you have helped me so much. I only hope I can give back to some degree. Much love and prayers headed your way, don't duck, grab them and run! Love ya lady. Take care...
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Comment by Joyce on September 23, 2012 at 8:06pm -
Thanks Dianne, I really needed to read this as I'm coming up on my one year. You are right a lot of this journey we have to figure out on our own.
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Comment by Jackie (lvgma) on September 23, 2012 at 6:23am -
Dianne,thank you for being there when i first came in to WV..we understand what allright is. My second journey down this road has been horrible, but I too Im thankful for your friendship and the others. Camp Widow was amazing 2011 n 2012. I too am signed up for 2013- I also have a wisoiw match that treasure- she at times has been my saving grace. Im approachjing two years next month on the 22nd, but bc of you and all the others I know I will be ok
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Comment by Sunflower37 on September 23, 2012 at 2:26am -
Hi Diane thank you so much for sharing. You were here to welcome me to WV, thank you. Hugs to you.
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Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on September 23, 2012 at 12:50am
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Dianne, My friend- wish I was in your town today to give you a big hug. You my friend are amazing and I am so honored to call you my friend. Thank you for spending hours talking to me that first CWW- Sometimes you just meet someone who you instantly connect with on a level that is beyond your own understanding. That was you and me and still is:) Though the miles seperate us our friendhship is forever. Thank you for sharing your Vern with us and your wonderful post. Sending you love , hugs and blessings for this hard day and all of the days to come. So looking forward to seeing you in November - Love you - Lisa
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Comment by carolynne on September 23, 2012 at 12:30am -
(((Dianne))) I've gotten to know Vern so well through all you've shared with us about him. Thank you for letting me get to know him. I know this is one of those harder than hard days....please know that I think of you often and send extra special prayers and well wishes today. Much love always. xo
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Comment by Barbie Doll on September 23, 2012 at 12:20am -
I'm so sorry you lost your dear sweet, Vern. We're all here because we miss our dear sweet spouses just as much. The pain may dull in time but will never ever go away. Thanks for staying on WV to help those of us who are just beginning our terrible journey:)
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