Have you ever cut a cord needing to shorten it's length to fit the purpose you have in mind, only to find that no matter how creatively you attempt to tie off the cut end it continues to unravel? You end up with a cord that seems increasingly of no value loosing it's ability to hold things together. The unravelled fibres alone are never as strong as when the cord was intact.
This to me is how the resulting loss and grief of my husband's death has felt. Cut off from the love we shared, life I knew and dreams we had for the future. And no matter how I try to gather up the shredded fragments of what's left, it continues to feel weak, separated and hopelessly in shreds. This of course is felt most on the down days, those times when the feelings of separation and loneliness are for some reason heightened and more acute than other moments. But as the weeks and months go by there are more good moments than bad, and more productive days spent accomplishing a task or spending time with those I care about feeling the day was worthwhile. For that I am very thankful. But still the awareness of loss never leaves, an emptiness and ache deep within. I wonder if it ever does?
Three weeks from now I have the privilege of attending the first International @SoaringSpirits Camp Widow in Toronto. This weekend is offered to individuals whose life partner has died and promises to be a very positive experience. I am looking forward to meeting people, who like myself are experiencing this unravelled state of life and connecting with them in a way that is impossible with those who have not yet experienced this type of loss. The weekend is promoted as one of hope, and the scheduled seminars and share groups offer topics to highlight how to embrace the future and hopefully gather up a few of the loose ends in their life since death cut them off. I imagine there will be a few tears shed at times, but photos of past Camp Widow weekends show hopeful, smiling faces. Such an amazing opportunity for which I am very excited to be able join in with.
I plan to follow up here after my Camp Widow experience and share my unique viewpoint. If you know someone who has joined the ranks of widowed people, feel free to share the link below with them so they too can consider attending.
And now, off to start packing, including all those loose ends.