I've been up since 1:30, and lying here till 5:30. It just occurred to me that I haven't really thought about my wife or the fact that I'm the only one in this bed throughout this whole time. This must be a good sign. I'm actually feeling quite normal. So often these times would be seen as lonely times for me. I don't know if I'm just getting used to being alone or what. I'm feeling like I can think about my wife and not get depressed about it.
I've tried to make thoughts of my wife a normal thing. If it sends me in to a fit of depression than so be it, but I want her to stay a normal part of my life. I talk about her to our children all the time and try to keep it as non-challante as possible. I don't want her forgotten out of my life, but I can't always have every thought of her crashing me to the ground in grief. I think this tactic is working for me.