please keep in mind that this is coming from a vegetarian mind.
It's been a long time with out Craig. Over a year. I miss him. I think that could be the biggest understatement of the year. He's been weighing heavy on my mind lately. I know how proud he'd be of the changes I've made in my life, he'd be jacked about the studio and how well the dogs have been. He'd be the most proud of his little boy. He's walking all over the place now... Craig would be having so much fun. I can picture his face as he rushes through the door after a long 12 hour shift of work, excited to see all of us.
Jack (our son) stayed at Uncle Rudes' place this weekend. Rudes was Craig's best friend, they grew up together. Rudes is Jack's God father. I know it's a very special weekend for the two of them, but not having Jack here has intensified my loneliness. Sure, I have tons of housework to do, lots of studio stuff to accomplish, yet loneliness still sets in. A long distance relationship, at times, makes me feel even more alone.
The weather is beautiful today, so I decided to take the mutts for a walk. I got the urge to start jogging, and the dogs were keeping up at a good pace. I love breathing in fresh autumn air. Eventually Meisha's (my shih tzu) little legs could no longer keep pace, so I let her off leash. Of course, this made Diezel (my bulldog-rotti) jealous of her freedom,... so I let him off too. It felt good, freeing the two of them and running on my feet, feeling the breeze! I felt like I was free too...without the weight of dogs pulling me, or the weight of Jack on my back, ...or concern if the wind was too cold on his face. YES! this is nice.
I wanted to share this sense of freedom with Chit (my late husband). Of course, that's not realistic. Maybe in a spiritual dimension somewhere, he felt it. I could only assume.
Right in the middle of reminiscing of the 'Smit and Chit' times, I decided to take a seat on the dewy grass. The dogs followed lead. About 15 feet to my left were 2 deer. Beautiful sight to see so close. It almost felt as though I heard them breathing before my eyes fixated on them. I surely didn't hear them come up behind us. 'Oh man I love those creatures, so graceful in nature' It wasn't long, maybe seconds after I noticed them, that Diezel noticed them too. It was 'go time'. I just let him go, I knew he'd never catch up to them.
'face it dude, you are 100 pounds of muscle that barely gets the exercise he needs, you do not stand a chance' I chuckle to myself. Diezel, a creature, yet not so graceful in nature.
It made me laugh to see him chasing them, he was at least 50 feet or more behind them but would not give up! I could see the little white deer tails bouncing through the field. They didn't even look threatened. Again, a moment I wished I could have shared with Chit. [This is nature]. The sun, the trees, the wind, the deer, and our dog chasing them. As I watched my dog stop in his tracks, (probably panting like a baffoon) I thought 'how could anyone want to harm these creatures, just for their own gratification?' I KNOW the world can't all be vegetarians, I understand that would be impossible, and who knows the outcome to that?! maybe there would be a depletion in plant harvest and an abundance of animals on the planet??.. but in that moment I knew how proud I was to be a vegetarian. If Diezel caught the animal, well that, to me, is nature. He is an animal! To me, we, as humans, have the intellect to be above the food chain--- after all our hands, feet, gums, and intestinal tract are that of an herbivore, so its only natural to be an herbivore. (?) Shooting a gun, or an arrow, is un natural... I don't know. Diezel has claws that allow him the ease to grip into the earth, and the teeth rip through flesh. I have a hard time with hunting,...although I do respect it more than factory farming by an exceptional margin! Again, this is just my emotional vegetarian mind coming into play.
I guess I live with the idea that you take only what you need from the Earth. My reasons of being a vegetarian rage from my contribution to helping the environment, personal health, and ethics. Craig respected this about me.
Although he did eat meat occasionally, ...he was really on the verge of ridding it of his diet. I am not sure if it was due to my influences, or his personal choice. I know he was very earth conscious and was beginning to embrace green living in all its avenues and I don't know if that was something that he was incorporating in his change, or if it was indeed because I influenced it. I know that he was appreciative of my lifestyle, because he didn't know how to 'do it'. How to get the necessary proteins etc... I never pressed my vegetarianism on him, ever. I loved preparing him whatever his heart desired. That's just my giving nature, my want to please the ones I love, and boy did I ever love him.
He died before I got the chance to talk to him about it. I would prepare him meat meals, and he'd be un-interested. He'd always prefer my vegetarian meals. Maybe it's because I was awful at preparing meat dishes (lol)? AGAIN, something we really didn't get to discuss in detail... because he died too soon.
I dated non vegetarians before. Some would tease me, and make little jabs about putting meat on my bones or whatever... it never upset me. I've always been someone to embrace differences. Craig was the first person to never make a jab or poke fun. I guess that's all part of the reasons I married the man.
It's deer hunting season.
This area has a lot of them.
I wish I could protect all the deer from the hunters and just let nature do its thing with them...
but that's unnatural.
Diezel went deer hunting, came up short-handed--- soo thankful for that, because I wasn't looking forward to making deer sausage... although I guess all the meat eaters in my life would have had something in their stockings. bad joke
Christmas is sneaking up.
Hope everyone is healing, warm wishes through these holidays. Peace to you.