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Summer is full on today, hot dry and windy. Going outside for any period is not recommended. On days like this l feel lethargic. What to do? Reading, watching old movies, trying to keep cool.Sometimes it seems as if I just fill in my time.  It is a feature of life for me this summer. Once it would have been a day by the Lake with a picnic basket, or somewhere near  water  but somehow that is not as much fun on my own. I can see how easy it is to become isolated.

To avoid isolation I go to the shopping centre (mall) and have coffee with friends at Muffin Break. We are a group of ten or twelve post middle aged people, mostly widows and divorcees. We meet around 10am and are home before noon. The coffee and chatting for an hour or so fills a need for company we all share. We all have very different lives and not a lot in common apart from our intrinsic loneliness. That is lessened by meeting in this way for a short time whenever there is an opportunity.

 I often wonder if my life has a purpose now. Okay some  of it has an obvious purpose, the volunteering, raising money for charity with other members of the Lions Club, the work  I do in the church community, the time spent with friends but the rest of the time is simply filled with some kind of activity designed to fill the day. Today is not the day to do gardening, not the time to go out into the  sun, not to do any activity that warms me up, the aim is to keep cool. So with that in mind I am sitting here feeling not a little as if life is passing me by.

I have been having a series of tests since discovering that I will have to have another operation as follow up to having the melanoma removed Seems as if I lived a charmed life up to 70 and now suddenly that is over and various problems in my body have to be dealt with. Okay that is just a feature of life for a lot of folk on here. For those of us who were caregivers we did this in the past, the round of doctors and specialist visits, but now it is my turn. Can't say I like it but I do want to live to see my grandchildren grow up so need to be proactive. 

So I am waiting, waiting for phone calls, waiting for appointments, waiting for results and follow ups. Not my idea of the way to spend a summer but been there, done that with Ray and now for myself. Just as I was about to go wild and book some travel, my life seems to have come to a roadblock. Makes me realise as the song says: "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". A lesson I seem to have to learn over and over. 

So thank my lucky stars I have a good daughter-in-law who has been taking me up and down to Sydney to appointments , sons who text me, a daughter who gave up part of her vacation to come to the specialist with me. A reminder once again that there may be no-one with me but I am not alone. At my age I really need that reassurance.

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Comment by Summergirl on February 27, 2018 at 6:53pm

I have enjoyed reading your posts.  We r about the same age and the intense loneliness can indeed be difficult to deal with.  Let us know how the medical stuff goes.  God bless and be well,

Comment by only1sue on February 3, 2018 at 12:19am

My courage comes and goes, the waiting for results is getting to me. I am brave in spirit but my mind can grind and grind some nights with the worry that I won't cope well after the surgery. That is a the downside of being alone. I was a caregiver but I do not have a caregiver now when I need one myself.

Comment by only1sue on January 29, 2018 at 8:13pm

Tests tomorrow and Monday, another appointment next Friday. I am on the medical merry-go-round. Everyone says: "never mind it will soon be over and you will be better again". I sure hope so.

Comment by Callie2 on January 22, 2018 at 12:20pm

Sorry to read there about another surgery. I can understand how medical issues can take up a lot of time, it’s also aggravating. I have been putting off a couple appointments and testing because I am just so tired of it! I went through a lot of testing beginning 10 yrs ago when it was discovered I had chronic anemia. Many procedures and tests and they never figured it out, however, they discovered other problems along the way. This began in my late fifties.

I hope after this, you can get back to good health and your activities. Heard you’re having a hot summer down there. Weather has been wacky on the east coast, we have had some extreme cold and snow in areas that rarely ever see it. Of course, the last few days have been in the fifties. Glad for the warmup as we are supposed to get rain tomorrow and will not have to shovel that! Stay cool!

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