Summer is full on today, hot dry and windy. Going outside for any period is not recommended. On days like this l feel lethargic. What to do? Reading, watching old movies, trying to keep cool.Sometimes it seems as if I just fill in my time. It is a feature of life for me this summer. Once it would have been a day by the Lake with a picnic basket, or somewhere near water but somehow that is not as much fun on my own. I can see how easy it is to become isolated.
To avoid isolation I go to the shopping centre (mall) and have coffee with friends at Muffin Break. We are a group of ten or twelve post middle aged people, mostly widows and divorcees. We meet around 10am and are home before noon. The coffee and chatting for an hour or so fills a need for company we all share. We all have very different lives and not a lot in common apart from our intrinsic loneliness. That is lessened by meeting in this way for a short time whenever there is an opportunity.
I often wonder if my life has a purpose now. Okay some of it has an obvious purpose, the volunteering, raising money for charity with other members of the Lions Club, the work I do in the church community, the time spent with friends but the rest of the time is simply filled with some kind of activity designed to fill the day. Today is not the day to do gardening, not the time to go out into the sun, not to do any activity that warms me up, the aim is to keep cool. So with that in mind I am sitting here feeling not a little as if life is passing me by.
I have been having a series of tests since discovering that I will have to have another operation as follow up to having the melanoma removed Seems as if I lived a charmed life up to 70 and now suddenly that is over and various problems in my body have to be dealt with. Okay that is just a feature of life for a lot of folk on here. For those of us who were caregivers we did this in the past, the round of doctors and specialist visits, but now it is my turn. Can't say I like it but I do want to live to see my grandchildren grow up so need to be proactive.
So I am waiting, waiting for phone calls, waiting for appointments, waiting for results and follow ups. Not my idea of the way to spend a summer but been there, done that with Ray and now for myself. Just as I was about to go wild and book some travel, my life seems to have come to a roadblock. Makes me realise as the song says: "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". A lesson I seem to have to learn over and over.
So thank my lucky stars I have a good daughter-in-law who has been taking me up and down to Sydney to appointments , sons who text me, a daughter who gave up part of her vacation to come to the specialist with me. A reminder once again that there may be no-one with me but I am not alone. At my age I really need that reassurance.