A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Walking on sunshine, and don't it feel good!
I am approaching 6 months out without that dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach and no-one is more surprised than me. 6 months is simply the passage of time since my 2nd husband chose to leave this world. I have been to hell and back over his choice and finally have Doug's suicide in a safe place in my mind. He will always be in my heart, as will be my 1st husband who died 12 years ago from cancer. I am constantly amazed at the capacity of my heart to multiply...not subtract.
My new life has begun and there are many positive steps forward both for myself and my little darlings. From some I will get the snide comments about moving on too quickly...not giving myself time to grieve...not acting like a REAL widow (whatever that is). But in all honesty I have spent the last 27 years grieving in one way or another and I'm over it!
My spirit wants to break out and live...and I intend to honour my spirit. I will rejoice at the new opportunities before me...moving forward with confidence.
Whilst I still have my youngest living at home and my eldest will be returning when we move into our new home, I have been able to enjoy (and I mean enjoy) time alone while they have been on holidays. Taking the time to do things I forgot I enjoyed doing. My solitude has given me time to think about what I want out of my life and the only conclusion I can come to is that I want to LIVE FULLY for the rest of my life. Not looking back with regret and sorrow constantly, but looking forward with a positive attitude and renewed energy.
TODAY I resigned from the job that was creating an enormous amount of stress in my life,
TODAY I found out my new house settles in a fortnight,
TODAY I spent the day with my very dear friends of 40 years as one lost her father on Saturday morning. We hugged, we laughed (yes we did!) as we realized that our 3rd friend had to look after us both as I am a widow and the other is an orphan (having lost her mother last year)...and the bible says to look after orphans and widows...but she still didn't buy us lunch!!! Oh well...lol...we won't hold it against her...life is too short.
So for now I am walking on sunshine and letting it feel good...and I truly wish this for each and every one on this journey...
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Comment
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Comment by aussiewidow on September 16, 2012 at 11:00pm -
Chez...just saw this. Good onya!
Like others I love your positive spirit and energy.
I'm not as far down the track as you but I'm determined not to let life pass me by. Although I'm about 10 years older than you I definetely don't see my life as over.
Have a few obstacles and challenges ahead and I'm finding it hard some days because I'm tired after a bout of doing something difficult so I know I'm not there yet...but I will be there before too long.
If you're ever down on the central coast please drop by my place for a coffee or a cuppa.
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Comment by hendrixx2 on September 11, 2012 at 9:52pm -
Wow Chez,
Outstanding post...I too, over the past few weeks have felt the warmth of that sunshine of acceptance, and yes, ''...don't it feel good....''. There is much to be said for the support gained here at WV from you and others, it makes trekking this path so much easier and not so alone. And yes, some will say it's too soon, and I fear it is.....for them... For those of us who have taken that step into Honesty, Open-ness & Willingness as to how we want to move forward, the reward of feeling good about ourselves and life in general, cannot come to soon... I am certain that, like me, you won't let the sun catch you crying...thanx for you kind words....
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Comment by Joyce on September 11, 2012 at 4:04pm -
Oh Chez, I'm so happy to hear this. Keep on walking on sunshine, and I agree Fred is an angel!!!!
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on September 11, 2012 at 8:32am -
Fred is a good one, that's for sure! That man has saved so many of us, glad he is helping you through, Chez!
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Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on September 11, 2012 at 12:42am
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Chez, Thank you for sharing your current place in your journey. My friend enjoy the sunshine!! Sit for hours in it, dance in it, lay down in the grass and roll and bask in it! Let it just obsorb into every pore of you and feel the strength, warmth & energy it brings. You my friend deserve every ounce. Let other's talk - they aren't walking in your shoes- Your post made me feel such happiness for you - Blessings my friend- Lisa
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Comment by Lynne on September 11, 2012 at 12:05am -
Excellent post, Chez, and I SO get what you're saying. Good for you and know that we're all incredibly happy that you're at this point. Will be interested to see what new doors open for you now! Wishing you all the best, Lynne.
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Comment by tanya on September 10, 2012 at 10:58pm -
Chez, I love this!!!!!! My husband has been gone for 4 months now and I too am finding my spirit and letting it free to do the things in life that I want to do..It is freeing. I miss my husband but I just can not sit around and grieve all the time. I got up and started doing what I love doing..and I know he is smiling as he watches me go...Love you to peices for posting this as I read everyones post and I think I pasted that a while back am I suppose to be feeling this way? is there something wrong with me? should i be ashamed that I am ready for my life to start again? Thank you
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Comment by Ashleigh on September 10, 2012 at 10:23pm
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Thank you. I realized Reading this post that the best way to honor my sweet geno is to smile something hd taught me how to do again I know I'm a long way from good but at this moment I am smiling. He Is too. Dear lord please give him a hug from me and tell him I love him.
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Comment by chez2all on September 10, 2012 at 10:06pm -
Wow...I've been totally blown away with the support my blog has received! Thank you to all those who have taken the time to write back...it's always good to get feedback and encouragement on our journey. I'll keep you all posted on the progress.
I would like to take this opportunity to say a huge Thank you to Fred...you have taken the time to walk with me through the valley...your wisdom and counsel has helped me endure the body blows I have experienced over the last few months...you are uniquely gifted my very dear friend...XXX((((FRED))))XXX
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Comment by lovie on September 10, 2012 at 8:59pm -
Your blog is such an inspiration to all of us who are wondering IF that sunshine will return. Thank you for showing us that it will and that it is worth waiting for...so happy for you!
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