Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I've been thinking about the word survivor and why it's what we are called. 

Last night I had a very scary medical drama, (I'm fine) but this morning I woke up and thought about it a little bit.  My first thought was, "Well now I've survived my first serious health scare without my sweet Jerry."  I am rocking or maybe I should say wobbling though widdahood.  I've "survived" though a plethora of minor catastrophes, okay so maybe they were just household upheavals but anyway, I survived them all despite the fact that Jerry is gone. 

I have struggled on my own, through money problems, roof issues, appliance issues, kid issues, car issues, decisions that normally take two people issues, business issues, estate issues and now health issues.   Each and every time I got through a crisis on my own I said, "I survived!"  

It hasn't been all bad of course, I triumphed when I bought a used car off Facebook and it turned out to be a really good buy/choice.  I've learned to live and prosper even on half a salary.  I calmly went about going through all of my mental notes of Jerrys advice/knowledge and have been able to chose the right person to help me take care of each and every life event that has reared up interrupting and sometimes compounding my grief.  I have single highhandedly reigned my teenagers in and have them behaving better than they were six months ago.   I've cut my power bill in half, by doing all the things I told Jerry he needed to do. :) 

As I sit here thinking about all of the things that have gone wrong and what went right I am wondering, why are we called survivors?  We should be called warriors!  

There was a woman in history called Queen Boudiccia, she was a widow but forced to become a warrior after her husbands death.  Of course this poor woman had it way worse than any of us, but still the thought has been handed down from centuries ago of the widows before us.  We are not only survivors we are warriors, we are capable and we are fierce.   Though, we may not always believe it with our whole hearts just let something come up that we need to "survive" and watch the resilience ooze out slowly and gain momentum as we journey along.   

Once we were survivors.  As we head down the road of recovery we are not merely survivors anymore.  We are warriors.  We are strong.  Thanks to Soaring Spirits International, we are united!  #widdawarriorstrong



 

Views: 137

Comment

You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!

Join Widowed Village

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on Wednesday

It's crazy how things like light bulbs and smoke detectors are a universal issue for us.  I actually have a gaping hole in my living room wall.  Five days after Jerry died, my smoke alarm started chirping.  I replaced the battery but it just wouldn't stop.  I looked for a reset button, I followed googles suggestion about holding the test button in, but it never would stop...I ended up disconnecting it and setting it on the porch where it chirped for about two weeks before it finally gave up.

I have a set of light bulbs, that I'm holding my breath now every time I flick the switch. 

Comment by Athena53 on June 11, 2018 at 7:21am

Thanks! I'll look into those.  I'll end up with two smoke detectors per room since the others would leave a nasty hole if removed, but people will just feel extra-safe!

Comment by Callie2 on June 11, 2018 at 5:22am

Athena, I bought mine at Lowe’s (smoke detector) and it was not very much more than the regular battery-operated ones. As far as the doorbell, it’s the mounting of those things that is the problem for me. The old ones are still in place minus the doorbell. Saw in a catalogue a sign that said door bell does not work, “yell ding-dong really loud”.  Yes, I thought that about the pipe issue. I guess I can be thankful it’s not a long holiday weekend or that it went unnoticed for a while. Also, I ran the dishwasher the night before so at least I had a place for dirty dishes. I guess all it amounts to is a minor inconvenience.

Comment by Athena53 on June 11, 2018 at 4:01am

Thanks, Callie2- it might be worth looking into lithium smoke detectors although I suspect it would be a major investment up front.  

I almost had to smile at your story of the pipe bursting on a Friday evening- yeah, that's when mission-critical things always break down, isn't it?

Doorbells can be pretty easy;  they sell wireless ones now. Mount the keypad on the door frame, put a batter into the unit and hang it inside the house close to the door, and you're done.  I did that but still haven't patched over the place where the old doorbell button was and the wires are still hanging out, so people think it doesn't work and they just knock. Gotta fix that.  I'm fortunate in that I have the money to hire this stuff out when I need to, but I mow my own lawn.  It's good exercise and leaves me more money for plane tickets!

Comment by Callie2 on June 10, 2018 at 6:05pm

Athena, they make the lithium smoke detectors good for up to ten years. That would be good for that higher one, then you wouldn’t have to change batteries and worry about a ladder. There will always be challenges with many things. Sometimes we are successful and sometimes, not, but we learn as we go.  There are handymen too if you can find a reliable one, that may help ease the pressure. They are good for smaller jobs and usually not too expensive. 

It’s a lot of effort to run a household and it can be expensive too. I try to take care of the necessaries but have been living without a doorbell for a good long time. Will get to it eventually I guess. So everyone give yourselves credit for your successes and don’t be hard on yourselves when things don’t go well because we do learn something in the process. One thing I decided was to have a lawn service—dealing with a lawn mower (and maintenance) is just too much for me so at least I don’t have to deal with that. Misty— it takes time to figure out what works best for us but we do, then much is routine. Friday afternoon I had a pipe burst under my sink and of course it was too late to have someone come out so I have been rinsing my dirty dishes in the powder room sink (groan)  My husband would have just fixed it but I have to wait til tomorrow or possibly the next day. We’re always going to have these surprises!

Comment by MartyG on June 9, 2018 at 5:22am

Great post, Misty !!  Yes...warriors...and hopefully our remaining days w/o "them" will find us with fewer and fewer battles!! Maybe that is what we should hope for....solace and most of all erserverance!! You are, indeed, a warrior :)

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on June 7, 2018 at 3:57pm

Yeah, it's a bad idea for anyone to high on a ladder reaching overhead alone.  

Comment by Athena53 on June 7, 2018 at 5:37am

I still haven't conquered ladders.  %%$#@! smoke detectors- one is dangling most unattractively from the ceiling in the guest BR- replaced the battery but couldn't get it to fit back into its niche.  The other is in my BR, which has a cathedral ceiling, and I removed the dead battery but couldn't get the new one into place.  It stopped chirping anyway.  I have a nice, high ladder and I'm still agile enough to get up there but it scares the crap outta me to do it alone.  It's going to have to wait till my son's next visit- at least if I topple he can break my fall or call 911.  That may be a few months till they get here.  Ron had had balance problems and had stopped climbing ladders years ago, but at least he could have kept an eye on me.  Some things are meant to be done in pairs, I guess.  

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on June 6, 2018 at 2:10pm

Athena that's wonderful! 

You're an independent wonder anyway, I can learn so much from you!

Comment by Athena53 on June 6, 2018 at 11:25am

I'd mowed the lawn the last few years as Ron got weaker so that wasn't an issue- grilling was! I'm not sure why.  I like t think I'm not bound by gender stereotypes but Ron always did the grilling.  Mine is propane and, like electricity, gas (propane or natural) is a little scary to me because I can't see it.  Finally, 8 months after Ron's death, a friend walked me though the whole process (and I have the hard copy instructions from the grill manufacturer, too).   Even then, it took me until last month to actually try it on my own- before that I'd used the excuse that it was too cold out (all winter) or too hot out.  FINALLY got over that hump and I feel so silly dragging my feet for so long!  I've now grilled fish, chicken and an assortment of veggies including mushrooms and Brussels sprouts.  I think I need a grill with (insert Tim Taylor grunt here) MORE POWER!

© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service