It has been 3 weeks since my husband John passed away due to accident. Everyday is so hard for me. And I haven't done anything to get back to normal life, I mean like shopping for foods, or cooking... I have done none of it. Everyday I woke up with a broken heart, sadden eyes. I don't look at me in the mirror as I am afraid to see how terrible I am. I lost weight, I don't eat, my eyes are empty...
I reach for my husband every morning, and he's not there anymore. Recently I feel so angry with John to let go. He was upset with me that night and he wanted to go out, I held his hands and said please stay honey, but he said he wanted some space... We didn't kiss last goodbye... I feel angry and guilty of letting him go... He said he would be back soon, but he didn't. I wonder if he upset with me too much and didn't want come back with me?
I don't know how to get through this time. I miss him every minutes. We had many plans for future, but now only me in this life. I feel so panic and alone. He was the love of my life, my husband, my friend, my everything. I feel so empty, I feel like I died the day he died. No one understand, they asked me to move on. But how? My man is gone. I need him in my life, never thought of my life without him, and you ask me to move on??
We were newly wedded, married 7 months, then he died. We lived together in Australia for a year, and then he wanted to experience the life in Vietnam, so we moved back here in December. We thought we were young, why not experience more? Yeah, I supported him as he always supported me. Now I think if we stayed in Australia, would he still alive? Or his time was up, it's up? I don't know, I fall deep in the hole of emptiness and depression. I need my husband, more than anything else. If he's with me, I am whole!!