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It has been 3 weeks since my husband John passed away due to accident. Everyday is so hard for me. And I haven't done anything to get back to normal life, I mean like shopping for foods, or cooking... I have done none of it. Everyday I woke up with a broken heart, sadden eyes. I don't look at me in the mirror as I am afraid to see how terrible I am. I lost weight, I don't eat, my eyes are empty...
I reach for my husband every morning, and he's not there anymore. Recently I feel so angry with John to let go. He was upset with me that night and he wanted to go out, I held his hands and said please stay honey, but he said he wanted some space... We didn't kiss last goodbye... I feel angry and guilty of letting him go... He said he would be back soon, but he didn't. I wonder if he upset with me too much and didn't want come back with me?
I don't know how to get through this time. I miss him every minutes. We had many plans for future, but now only me in this life. I feel so panic and alone. He was the love of my life, my husband, my friend, my everything. I feel so empty, I feel like I died the day he died. No one understand, they asked me to move on. But how? My man is gone. I need him in my life, never thought of my life without him, and you ask me to move on??
We were newly wedded, married 7 months, then he died. We lived together in Australia for a year, and then he wanted to experience the life in Vietnam, so we moved back here in December. We thought we were young, why not experience more? Yeah, I supported him as he always supported me. Now I think if we stayed in Australia, would he still alive? Or his time was up, it's up? I don't know, I fall deep in the hole of emptiness and depression. I need my husband, more than anything else. If he's with me, I am whole!!

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Comment by Hanh on March 29, 2014 at 11:32pm
Hi my roses, sorry for late reply. I have been f**k up in the last few days. I want my John back with me. I went to the city that we used to live, I used to live when he was in Australia. It made me feel so hard to believe that John is gone. Every morning I wake up, I want John back with me. I never felt so alone in this life as I do right now. I see many couples together, happy, made me feel so jealous. I should be happy for them I know. But it reminded me when it was John and Hanh, we were a beautiful couple and enjoyed having fun together...
I really don't know how to get through this alone...
Comment by my roses on March 25, 2014 at 11:48pm

My roses

I think John will know how much you miss him.. wherever he is.  I talk of  them being in heaven - as it has been said that they can see us (all our loved ones who are gone) but we cannot see them. Or at least most

people can't.  My  Wes has told me that he can see me, and that he understands how painful it is for me not to be able to see him.  I have only seen him in a vision and then in a dream.  But  I do feel his presence at various times.  Hahn I sit down twice a month now to talk with him and I type up what we talk about.  I do talk to him or sing at other times as I am in the house etc. But the other "talk" is a serius question and answer situation.  He has told me a lot about how he is and also how he has changed since he left. So when we meet up I can share some other things with you... and hope it gives some comfort.  THE WORST PART I think is not being able to hug them or hold their hand.   Are you able to send me your private email address or even a ph. no. because on WV a lot of posts can be seen directly  by people who are not in WV.

We can then discuss the meeting up etc. Also where you are holding the memorial.  One song I used for Wes'

funeral was  if we never meet again this side of heaven, we will meet on the river of life.Where the charming roses bloom forever and where separations come no more.  If we never met again this side of heaven I will meet you on that beautiful shore.  Another one you might like to look at is  We did it all for love by Michael Bolton.  It is SO POWERFUL... AND  DEFINITELY singing about a Love of Life marriage.

So hope to get your other email

Comment by Hanh on March 24, 2014 at 11:22pm
My roses, I truly understand about eyes... I tried to smile too, it's just my mouth smile, never my eyes. Many people told me I have a smiley face. Yes I did smile much, was so very happy in love with John. Even before I met John, I loved my life. I lost my father 9 years ago due to cancer, but I survived and moved on... But John death was so sudden, he's still young and healthy and wanted to do many things. Not fair for him at all. And even we together 3 years only, but we experienced many things to be together. Distance, immigration, arguments... We argued much, but always talked and learnt from it, and happy again. Never be quiet and not share, that's not us. I was deeply loved by John, no one ever loved me that much, and I never felt so in love with someone that much. Too precious to be lost! I like what u said, the price we pay for deep love...
Comment by Hanh on March 24, 2014 at 11:11pm
My roses, you were right. We were so lucky to have found each other, united as husband and wife. And our vow had this:"wherever you go, my heart goes with you"... As John was changing to the job that required travel a lot, that's why we chose that in our vows.
My sister in law moved to new place, and in her bedroom has this:" I carry your heart in me, I carry it in my heart"... Was it John who made it happen? Oh, no passing minute that I don't think of John, my husband, my love, my everything! I want to be reunited with him, someday!!! We will meet again, when the time is right <3
Comment by my roses on March 24, 2014 at 11:05pm

My roses

Just wanted to say... that  looking into the mirror at our sunken and sorrowful eyes, and loss of weight is a shock.  We know how we looked before - happy, relaxed and with sparkling eyes...our earlier photos of us and our beloved tell the truth.   We are a shadow of our former self.  I do not know how long we will look like this - I still do after  1 yr and 2 months.  Even if I attempt a smile with my mouth - my eyes are flat and dull.This seems to be the price we pay for deep love.  But it is worth it.  with love and blessings

Comment by Hanh on March 24, 2014 at 11:01pm
Hi my roses,
Of course I would love to see you when I get back to Perth. I will get back there April 16 and Johns memorial service will be held on April 27. His sister and I have to choose songs to play. It's suck as we chose our wedding songs together...not long ago.
My mom in law is in England, she will be in Perth soon too. We still can't believe that John is gone, it's unbelievable :(
Yes roses, I felt so proud n lucky to be loved by John, he was my universe. Losing him has just brought me to an upside down world. Loneliness is killing me each day, may he knows how much I miss him <3
Comment by my roses on March 23, 2014 at 11:40pm

My roses

Hahn if  you wish to meet up when you get back to WA let me know. If  you friend me we can get an

email address. Does M. in law live in WA as well?

I am glad that you are going to have a memorial service... and also that your Mother in Law appreciates what you brought to her son.  This is the key to the Love of your Life marriage.. you bring the best, you bring restoration, hope and many more gifts into the relationship.  The aim is to give - and WOW  both of you give to each other. many blessings

 

Comment by my roses on March 23, 2014 at 11:32pm

My roses

 

Hahn  and to you all... I too can barely look at Wes photos without crying.  The only way I can look without doing so, is to talk to him and give him a kiss.  If I just look at his beautiful face I weep. One thing I have been thinking about is that this Love of your Life  relationship is so special.  It is like no other relationship I have had.  We only had a week to meet, and many other L of Life people say that they met and immediately fell in love, or were brought together in an amazing way.  We gave everything we had and so did our spouse.

When you add it all up there is something unique about this.. life is not usually like this is it?  So there must be something more to it.  We were given a special gift our beloved. It would seem to me that even though they are not with us, something must remain. So much has been put into this, and that fact that we were brought together (in this huge universe). It must mean more ... It has made me much more interested in heaven and the afterlife and the reunion with our beloved. There must have been a reason for us to meet.

Otherwise half the population of the world would have a L of Life marriage - and I don't think that is the case. Otherwise people would not comment. " You were lucky to have this - most people don't."  It would seem from my experience and a lot of reading/videos etc of  ' spiritual experiences and afterlife" that our loved ones do see us and know what is happening.  If they are in a heavenly place, it is likely that we can come to know their presence.   We are so stressed that we may not be able to hear or feel their presence. Most of all ask God  about them - and be open to a response.  Many of us on WV have had a vision, dream,hug or sign from their beloved.  But music is also helpful.  Playing the music they loved. 

Comment by Hanh on March 23, 2014 at 9:31pm
Hi Passingthrough, thanks for ur support. I look at Johns picture everyday, I miss him so much! I really don't know when it will get better. I read his messages and he said he never leave me. But he did, and never come back to me... I don't really know how to live without John. I just survive now...
Comment by Hanh on March 23, 2014 at 9:28pm
Hi Sara, I am so sorry we have to go through this journey. It's suck. My heart aches every day. I have been in bed wearing Johns Tshirt again, and cried n talked to him... Of course no answer... Yea, messages on phone and Facebook. I feel stupid and regret I lost heaps of his SMS as I reset my phone not long ago :(
I haven't checked emails recently, I will get there and reply to you Sara. Good to have someone to talk to, and understand. Take care Sara!

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