When It Was Doctors' Mistakes That Killed Them

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Comment by TimetoFly 3 hours ago

You are wise in staying away from legal battle and hope that you have found some release for anger. For me I wanted to break something...maybe just the sound of glass breaking in a symbolic sound of the smashing of my future. But I'm too practical and realized that I would have to just clean it up. lol  So did power washing and trimming of bushes and pulling weeds to let energy out and not let it fester. Then would find a way to laugh...even if it was just watching a stupid video (American's Funniest) to help me bring joy in. Hey, some days I would just cry after I laughed but in general I would at least be moving forward and getting bad energy out. Main thing is to move forward inch by inch some days but it's still moving forward..Hugs, D

Comment by Max on July 10, 2012 at 9:08pm

Dear Cristina, I am coming up on two years & two months without my Little Esther and my blog tells it all. (Words From Doctors - My wife Heard)  

They just don't get it!! - because they are to busy living their own lives and very few have suffered through the loss of that very special person.  Billie looked like a  great guy just like my Little Esther was and you and I are living/existing without their souls here to make life enjoyable.  From what I have seen in your comments the two of you must have had a spiritual connection and that still exists so give yourself some peace by using it.  Maybe Karma will give these Doctors their due someday but we need to find a way to heal, I wish I could say something to make it all better for both of us but......                Max

Comment by Suz on July 9, 2012 at 5:23pm

Ugh, I am just feeling like I was hit in the gut. I am just so sorry, my dear. He clearly was a fine man. I know that from you but I can also see it in his eyes and in his smile. I have no wisdom. I wish I did.

<3

Suz

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on July 8, 2012 at 9:40pm

Cristina,  I understand your pain.  I feel that my husband died as a result of medical mistakes as well. I have been dealing with a lot of anger over this. This anger has caused me the most harm.  I have been praying to be released from it, as I know that the anger will only hurt me and keep me from healing. I I do though, still feel that those responsible should have to deal with consequences of their mistakes. But that doesn't mean that I have to let it control my life and steal my joy.  That is how I have been living for the past  5 months, and I have decided I don't want to live that way anymore.   I don't get to know "why" I only got to spend two years with the love of my life.  I don't get that answer until i die i guess.  so I feel my mission now, is to continue to grieve, find a place to vent my anger that is not destructive, and try to bring thoughts and things and people into my life that can give me some peace and some joy.  Because I'm very sure that my God wants me to be joyful.  Peace be with you.

Comment by Cristina on July 8, 2012 at 7:11pm

...I read the stories of others, on here, and I see, there is no fairness, there is no sense, so much of the time, when someone passes.  I guess that's part of what being here on this site does, as overwhelming and painful as it can be, to read others' stories, is to give us perspective....I read of one widow who lost her husband and two children to a house fire, and I just can't stand what we poor humans have to withstand...I think of loved ones killed in the wars, the stupid wars, and the children that die all over the world, and I guess there really is no justice, no fair play, when it comes to death....it's just so flipping hard when it's your own beloved stolen, battered down and beaten by someone else's ineptitude....I guess I'm asking for someone to make life more fair.  It's weird, you can know it's not, but yet still rail against it when it's your life smashed to smithereens, your joy stolen. 

Comment by Cristina on July 8, 2012 at 7:03pm

Thanks, you all, and I am so sorry that so many of us were widowed in this unnecessary way.  To clarify, I could not sue anyone, though I would most likely have a case, because I could not go through a lawsuit, having had to drag down that horrendous path years ago after I was disabled in a plane crash.  I will not put myself through the humiliation and degradation that lawsuits put you through, even as the victim, they will make you out to be a criminal or sociopath or Communist or hypochondriac...I refuse to rehash my darling Billie's suffering to try to make others see what we went through...they have their greed making them willing to lie and cheat and destroy you, instead.  No, I guess what I am looking for, here, and elsewhere, is some wisdom, some way to make peace with it all, some way to let go of the sense that we had his life stolen from us, just as we were settling in to enjoy our magical love.  We had between us 115 years without each other on this planet, and only a little over 2 together as beloveds, most of which time we were fighting daily for his life.  The suffering that man went through still haunts my days and nights.  Sometimes it just hits me, if he'd been attacked, the perp would be in jail, if things went as they are supposed to, but in this case, these docs just carry on, untouched and unmoved by what they did to the finest man I have ever met. 

Comment by CharliesGirl on July 8, 2012 at 5:56pm

My Charlie has been gone 12 weeks. I think he died froom being in the hospital although he certainly had medical issues. I don't have enough proof to do anything and they would never award me what I really want which is to have him back. As Alan said Money means nothing at this point.

I seldom watch TV anymore but yesterday I saw a nes report which said hospitals are now the third leading cause of death in this country. I often wish I had never called 911.

You don't need to let go of the anger until you at least get some answers. Perhaps you can't face that doctor yourself, but could someone who cares about you meet with him face to face for you? If you need to follow through on this for Billie, then you should do that.

 

Julie

Comment by topwag (Becky) on July 8, 2012 at 4:32pm

I kind of made a pack to myself that if after one year if I was still angry with the doctors, hospital, etc. that I would go to their patient advocate and vent my complaints. I am also now at 15 months and still angry. I talked to my grief counselor about this and he agreed that it would be a good idea but not to expect anything... just to get it out of me and hopefully to propel me forward some.  I contacted a medical malpractice attorney in the early days but they also said it would be a hard prove. All I can say is  do what you need to do for YOU, whatever that is. Blessings and Hugs.

Comment by celestia (Suzanne) on July 8, 2012 at 4:19pm

Speak to a "good" personal injury attorney. If you have a case, whether for money, justice or both, they will be able to tell you. As I'm sure you know, they work on contingency.

Comment by AlanRRT on July 8, 2012 at 4:00pm

Cristina,

I wish I knew the answer to that.  I called a lawyer last week, who told me it would be too hard to prove the negligence in Elaine's case.  I wasn't even interested in getting any money, I just wanted to ge the hospital and the doctor's attention.  Money doesn't mean much when you have nobody to share it with.  I did write a letter to each member of the board of directors of the hospital, it won't do me any good, and it's way too late to do Elaine any good, but maybe it will save someone in the future.

I haven't really been angry yet, probably because there isn't enough anger to express what they put me through.  It is beyond comprehension.

In short, I have no answers for you, but I'm asking the same questions.  I pray you will find some peace in this turmoil.

Alan