I know that I am a widow. I know my husband is dead, dead now for coming up to four years in March. I miss him in more ways than there are numbers and ways to measure how to miss him. I know that I was lucky to have him and the love we shared. I know that I now have a pretty nice relationship going with a man. Not the same mind you, but pretty satisfying just the same. But, I know that last night when I got in from my enduring flight from Gunnison CO, to Denver, to Cleveland to Hartford around midnight, and found that my car had been plowed in covered with 8 inches of snow and a layer of ice, that if my husband was still alive, he would have driven to the hotel and cleared my car. He would have bitched about it, but because he loved me he would have done it. My boyfriend says he loves me, he might even mean it, but he did not clean off my car. He would never do that. I will NEVER have anyone love me again like my husband did. I knew that before, but every once and a while you just get hit with the suck stick. For the record, if it had been the boyfriend, I would have done it. I am a really nice person and I wish I could find someone really nice, who has not been so fucked up by life they actually want someone who will love them like I can love them. Boyfriend wants me to love him, and I guess I do. Now just less than I did because I know now. I really don’t know how long I can go on, knowing that nobody will ever love me like that again.