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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I mean -- am I still an in-law to them? In the two years since my husband died I have been fiercely embraced at times and avoided at other times. I was married to their brother for 41 years. The relationship I have with them has, of course, changed greatly. I am different and so are they. The strange thing is that all of my nieces and nephews (all grown now) treat me exactly the same as before. Not so with their parents. My side of the family treats me just as they always have.

So I am not sure what to do, if anything. I have gotten to the point where I overlook their insensitive and hurtful remarks because I am want to be the bigger person. I want peace in my life. And I want to honor the wonderful, crazy and precious life of my husband who I miss so very much.

Would love to hear some thoughts from those of you further down the road. Thanks for your help.

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Comment by Choosing life on June 25, 2015 at 6:41pm
Thanks Callie2 for your thoughts. I too never realized what it was like. Read a blog somewhere that called it "the knowing". How very true. Acceptance is so hard but I have seen that it can bring peace. Something we all want.
Comment by Callie2 on June 23, 2015 at 11:15am
I am glad your nieces and nephews continue to treat you the same, that is certainly a plus. You were married a lot longer than me, not that it seems to matter. I have a step-son and two grandchildren that make some contact, but barely. I have also two BIL's and three SIL's that have made little contact (if any) over the past six years. I don't understand why this happens other than the reason they were part of my life is now gone. Then again, I don't call them either so I guess it works both ways. I guess this is the case in a lot of families-- I would like to know the reason myself. If I run into them somewhere, we talk. I have made my mind up to just accept it, as this is just the way it is. No more hurt feelings.

I am sorry they make you feel this way but perhaps time will change things or at the very least, you just accept it the way I have. You know, prior to becoming a widow myself, I had no idea how difficult it is! Had I known, I would have been kinder and more understanding, more supportive to others, including co-workers. What we can do now, after experiencing this first-hand knowledge, is to try and comfort others walking down this path. It is most likely a path that at least 1/2 of us will be on at some point in our lives.

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