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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Why?  I think we all ask ourselves that question on this journey.  Why is is not okay to say what you truly feel without worrying about it offending some one?  Why started out as the title but changed in the progress of writing this.  No offense intended but this is my thoughts on the events tonight and a comment that I saw, maybe not aimed at me but the person it was said to was a part of the original conversation.

Maybe I am a bit touchy tonight but no one truley knows who the real me is.  Truth be known you probaby never will know who she/I really/am/is.  Death does that to some of us.  We build that WALL that keeps us safe.

I have listened a lot and to people talk and try to relate to where they are but I find even here that when you speak up and say your piece it is not welcome.  It feels like it is okay for some but not for others and I for one do not like that.  Why should I have to worry about saying what I think and feel?  Oh, I forgot, it might offend someone and we defintely do not want to do that.

Sorry, I don't buy that BS.  I am just as human as the next person, with real feeling to.  I have to say that for me I am glad I have kept that wall up as it keeps me safe.  One thing my husband taught me and taught me well was to say what was on your mind.  I am finding that people don't like to hear what is on your mind or the truth for that matter.

I am so tired of the whiners and people who chose to be victims.  I so much want to tell them we are all hurting but I can't because it might offend them and we definitely do not want to offend anyone, do WE?  I refuse to play the victim, been there done that and it serves no purpose.  In fact it does a diservice to who we trulu are. 

I will say that she is thankful that she has rebuilt that wall built around her heart again for only the second time in her life..  In order to get through that wall you have to know who the real Janet is.  She doesn't share much because the wall keeps safe.  She knows now that no one will ever get through that wall agian because she will never share her feeling or emotions again here or with another human being.  She is a very private person and keeps that wall safely built so no one can intrude on who she really is.

Every once in a while she does sneak out and say's her peice only to find that it offends people.  When it does she goes back into her shell where she knows she is safe.  At least in her shell, she knows that people can not hurt her.  She is safe there. 

Will you ever get to know the true Janet?  I doubt it because you ain't going to like her or the things she has to say.  Her husband taught her well on being Honest and it seems that people don't want to hear the honest truth.  As a very dear friend said "HOW" in some blogs he wrote.  "Honesty, Openess and Williigness"

I am me and you can either take me or leave me.  If I offend you are I am sorry but I am who I am.  I will not change who I am to please people.

Tonight taught me a huge lesson.  Never again will I ever say what I am truly feeling.  That wall is my safetly and after tonight and will probably never come down again, not here or in any relationship.  It will take a lot of work and time to tear that  wall down agian.  You see that wall keeps me safe.  That is allI have to keep me safe from the outside world and it shall remain for a very long time because I am not willing to let it come down at least not now.

Trust is not something I do not have right now and may never have again.  Only time will tell on that subject.

Wishing you all Peace and Hope in your journey.

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Comment by JPSwifeCathy on November 6, 2012 at 2:20am
Janet. I'm SOOO. Sorry you've been hurt. AGAIN'. Hang in there ! Cathy:)

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