When I think about my husband and all the things I loved about him, I try to keep his legend alive for my kids. Difficult to believe, it will soon be 5 years, and our memories of him are sadly beginning to fade. For my youngest, going from 9 to 14 and my oldest from 15 to building her own life at 20, a lot of time has passed. It is getting harder to remember what it felt like to not be empty. It is getting harder to remember all of the intricacies of his personality and not distort them with our fading memories. As we try to keep his memory alive, I sometimes wonder if he remembers us? Did he experience grief, does he miss us?
The light in your eyes when you looked at me
The teamwork you always promised we’d be
Tickling our daughters, playing monster at the park
My head on your shoulder as the night turns dark
Your laughter that echoed throughout the room
That contagious smile, despite news of gloom
The deep harsh voice you could muster when mad
The unquestionable authority of being a Dad
Your hugs encircled me in safety and love
But now what do you see from your vantage above?
Down here below we continue to live
And there is no price we wouldn’t give
To hold your hand or again feel that hug
And know how much by you we were loved
We try to remember you everyday
But I do not know what you would say
If someone asked what your life was like
Did you have kids, who was your wife?
Where did you live, did you have a dog?
Were you happy, successful, did you live long?
Did it hurt at the end, was it hard to let go?
Or did we all fade away….for you never to know?