I am at that stage when I "should be over it". It has been 14 months now. I have lately started getting some advice from friends. Why don't you: join a group? take up a new hobby? maybe do some of that travelling you have been planning so long? Why don't you: see if you can find another lady to travel with? consider going into a retirement village? maybe move closer to one of your children? Why don't I do all of that? Because the theory is different to the reality. Altering one thing in the life you have will not make you happier or less lonely.
All of my children will move next year. So what would be the use of moving closer to one of them? There are money issues I still need to settle with my husband's estate, there is still a lot to do on the house. I love my kids and I do want to spend time with them but I am not sure I want to move closer to one when that will mean making new friends etc. None of them would want me to be dependent on them and unless I have to I am going to live on my own and live my own life for as long as possible.
There is the matter of loneliness and aloneness. I could go on a holiday trip and still have a lonely time, I need people around me but I also need one particular person to be there for me and for me alone. I don't want to be needy but I have been a member of a couple ofor 44 years so I am used to being part of a couple, not being on my own. I guess the solution to that is to slowly get used to it.
I have always been a busy person, sometimes too busy so I don't want to take on too many new things at once. I see all the posts here about volunteering and in the past that has been how I filled my life, with either paid or unpaid work, and maybe that is a possibility in the future but that is also a financial issue as travelling too and from...wherever it is I will volunteer...is also costly in fuel etc. Even eating out versus eating at home is a problem with some of my dietary limitations.
We are all facing these issues in one form or another, we all take steps to alleviate the loneliness and the pain, there is no one size fits all solution. I am better now than I was six months ago. I feel as if I am thinking clearer. I know I still have a long way to go but I also know that I will get there, somehow. It is just all those steps in between that scare me.