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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Oh fuck.  I have to go to work tomorrow.

I've been counting down the days, going through a wide range of emotions and now, at the witching hour, waiting for dinner to cook, it hits.

I have to go to work tomorrow.

My life changes again... tomorrow.

I don't know if I'm ready for that change.

If he was here... he would be encouraging me, texting me with supportive notes, here to hug me when I get home.   He'd be high five'ing me and possibly sending me flowers at work.

He'd be soothing my fears.

He'd be the wind beneath my wings... holding me up.

What am I supposed to do without his support?   How am I supposed to come back to a life without him?    I've been insulated, cocooned, wrapped in a blanket of grief in my house with friends to support me... and breaking out of that and into a life that looks something like I remember but doesn't feel like it... that's scary.

I feel like the chair I'm sitting on suddenly has only 3 legs.    I can sit on it, but if I'm not careful, I'll fall...

I'm fucking scared of what tomorrow will bring...

Today and tomorrow

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Comment by Morgana (Janet) on January 8, 2013 at 9:23am

Jane may you have a soft day at work.  I think you will find it to be a good thing to be out among the living again.  i just left my doctor's office and they gave me an application to fill out.  I will get it filled out and returned back to them tomorrow.  I am so looking forward to finding a job and being back among people again.


Comment by Joyce on January 7, 2013 at 6:26pm

Jane, I went back after a week and I almost didn't go, but everyone was great when I first went back and if I had to cry I did.  I really feel it was good for me that i went back when I did.  Jane hugs coming your way and just know that your husband is with you.

Comment by rodsgurl09 on January 7, 2013 at 5:46pm

I remember my first day back, eight days after I lost Rod. I was terrified. I melted down a lot. I had my first ever panic attack. It was awful. But I survived, and you will, I promise. My work was great as I transitioned back....they let me lock myself in my office and cry when I needed to, they were very understanding. I hope your coworkers will give you the same consideration. Good luck tomorrow. Remember to breathe. (((hugs)))

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