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You dont stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing

I hope this does not offend anyone but I just had to share these. I have alway been told that "Laughter is good for the soul."
Time for your Medical Exam
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ' How long have you been bedridden? '
After a look of complete confusion she answered,
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . . . ' So how's your breakfast this morning? ' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled ' KY Jelly. '

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered .. . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. While she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . . 'Keep off the grass. '

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn. '

Submitted by RN, no name

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . . I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . ..
'Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener.'

Dr. wouldn't submit his name...
Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is under weight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came.'
Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt.
Give the world your best anyway. - Mother Theresa (1910-1997)
1 more I have to share:
Remember, old folks are worth a fortune, with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in thier feet, and gas in their stomaches.
I have become a little older now and a few changes have come into my life.  Frankly, I have become quite a frivolous old gal.  I am seeing five gentleman every day.  As soon as I wake up, WILL POWER helps me get out of bed.  Then I go down the hall and see JOHN.
Next, CHARLIE HORSE comes along and takes a lot of my time and attention.  When he leaves ARTHUR RITIS shows and and stays the rest of the day.  He doesn't like to stay in one place very longs, so he takes me from joint to joint.
After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to relax with BEN GAY.
What a life!  The preacher came to visit me the other day.  He said, at my age, I should be thinking about "the hereafter."
I told him, "Oh, I do, all the time.  No matter where I am --in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement--I ask myself, "NOW, WHAT AM I HEARE AFTER?"
---Source Unknown

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Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on March 9, 2013 at 9:14am

cute.. thanks for sharing :)

Comment by Mford4 (Marlene) on March 8, 2013 at 3:16pm

You lightened mine!

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