"You should be here..." I heard those lyrics in a song yesterday, and ain't it the truth.
You SHOULD be here, we were supposed to grow old together. I never thought this would happen in a million years.
It is 9 months today since my wife passed. Last July I could not imagine making it this far.... But we take one day at a time.
I am really confused on who I am or who I am supposed to be. That is to say that I get through the days with the tasks and responsibilities. But, when the day is over I am quite lost. I get frustrated when for a second I think "Oh! I need to tell Linda this when I get home". And I instantly remember, she is not going to be there. This is such a difficult transition. I don't like the loneliness. I don't like how hard it is to remain focused or motivated to do things.
I can be sitting there watching tv, or reading or just looking out the window......and realize how alone I am. Fondly remembering feeling "whole", even if we were not in conversation....just being together was so right. I miss that, terribly.
Three more months will make it one year. It doesn't seem real.... But, it is.
Trying tto find things to keep busy. But as i do them, I often think "You should be here..." because I would love to share this moment with you.