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DIVA70
  • Female
  • Matteson, IL
  • United States
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DIVA70's Friends

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DIVA70's Discussions

Choosing to be a recluse

Started this discussion. Last reply by Justme Sep 26. 10 Replies

It has been 15 months since my husband of over 47 years passed away. I would like to say that I have moved on and life is getting better. That would be a lie. On April 29,2018 my life literally…Continue

 

DIVA70's Page

Latest Activity

DIVA70 replied to Judyrose's discussion Lost in the group Widowed in 2019
"I was married to my Tony for over 47 years and was with him as a couple for 50 years. It has been 17 months since he passed away and I still cant believe he is gone. How do you move on when your life has been wrapped around this one person for so…"
Oct 14
DIVA70 replied to JPSwifeCathy's discussion ENDING YOUR OWN LIFE TO EASE THE PAIN----WOULD IT HELP?----HAVEN'T WE ALL CONSIDERED IT?!
"I was with one of my sisters shortly after my Tony's death. We started talking and I made the comment that I felt like jumping in front of a train. Our family is very religious and the two subjects you don't talk about are depression and…"
Oct 8
Justme replied to DIVA70's discussion Choosing to be a recluse
"I teach and I have young children, so I can't be a recluse. But the only place I feel comfortable is at home. We were always homebodies together. Being out, around people is like an itchy sweater. I try not to squirm or flinch, but the relief…"
Sep 26
Justme replied to DIVA70's discussion Choosing to be a recluse
"I teach and I have young children, so I can't be a recluse. But the only place I feel comfortable is at home. We were always homebodies together. Being out, around people is like an itchy sweater. I try not to squirm or flinch, but the relief…"
Sep 26
DIVA70 replied to soulmate's discussion If you could choose one song to express how you feel after the death of your spouse what would it be?
" Beautiful....love the lyrics"
Sep 26
DIVA70 replied to Rich's discussion Ever awake at 2:45 in the morning?
"Yes, it's 2:57a in the morning and I am up thinking how can he not be here with me. Still, like you, I thank God for every day we shared together. Starting out at 20 and 22 we weathered every storm and in the end our love persevered. The only…"
Sep 26
DIVA70 commented on Mrs Bear's blog post Blow after blow
"So sorry to hear about your initial lost which was hard enough but now to be faced with the news about your brother. Believe me I can relate. I lost my husband 16 months ago. Imagine being at the funeral home making arrangements for your husband and…"
Sep 25
DIVA70 replied to TeresaNY's discussion So Many Unanswered Questions in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Teresa I too would like to express my sincere condolences. As stated by others your pain and sorrow is in the very early stages. My husband was much older but he was in the hospital where we assumed he would find out what had caused him to feel so…"
Sep 21
DIVA70 commented on AandC's blog post Holding back the Sorrow and Pain so others don't feel it too
"Thank you Kevin....when I read your poem it was comforting to know that someone else understood what I have been trying so hard to express to my family and friends. I don't look forward to tomorrow in the same way as I did when my Tony was…"
Sep 18
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 40s or Earlier
"I agree with Frank. I did read your post when you first posted but I wasn't sure just how to respond so I would not offend you. I too have two sons. Like you one is single and coincidently the other son is married with five children. Before he…"
Sep 15
DIVA70 commented on Judyrose's blog post Remembering
"So sorry for your loss....My soulmate and I were married for over 47 years and together for 50 years. He would tell people we were together even longer than that because we actually were in the sixth grade together. 15 months ago he became…"
Sep 14
DIVA70 commented on AandC's blog post Fresh and Raw
"First, let me say how sorry I am for your loss and I believe you have come to the right place. If nothing else you will find out that you are not alone in this unwelcome journey. I believe in God and considered my self to be pretty strong…"
Sep 13
DIVA70 commented on AandC's blog post Holding back the Sorrow and Pain so others don't feel it too
"Thank you Cat for your comments. One of the reasons I came to this site was because I could speak MY truth. I felt I could say what I was really feeling with no fear or concern about being judged or criticized. One thing I have found out is that…"
Sep 11
DIVA70 commented on AandC's blog post Holding back the Sorrow and Pain so others don't feel it too
"I too discovered very quickly that it is uncomfortable and difficult for others to see you grieving. And so I have done just you have. I have not spoken to three of my sisters in almost a year. Its not their fault. I just know that they could not…"
Sep 11
Lisa_says replied to DIVA70's discussion Choosing to be a recluse
"My husband passed in Dec 2018 Brain cancer. I was his caregiver for 8 years, and I also am now a recluse. I love your analogy "static on the radio".  That is exactly how I feel.  I live in NJ and work from home. I'm 56 years…"
Sep 7
chef (John) replied to DIVA70's discussion Choosing to be a recluse
"Good for you with the Christmas cruise, Diva70! [I took one last year, but owing to scheduling issues at work, can't do one this year---and I just ran across one that would be pretty darn sweet. Oh, well...There's always next year. :-) ]…"
Sep 5

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DIVA70's Blog

I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN

Posted on January 12, 2019 at 8:51am 4 Comments

APRIL 29,2018 MY LIFE WAS CHANGED FOREVER. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 50 YEARS, OVER 47 YEARS AS MAN AND WIFE. OVER THE YEARS WE HAD MANY SONGS THAT REFLECTED THE LOVE WE SHARED. THIS MORNING I HEARD THE SONG LADY GAGA SINGS IN A STAR IS BORN AND IT SUMMARIZES MY FEELINGS SO PERFECTLY. I HAD WHAT MANY HOPE FOR IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT. WE HAD SOMETHING THAT WAS SO SPECIAL AND JUST FOR US. SO AS I LISTEN MY TEARS ARE MINGLED WITH MY SMILE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ONE DAY WE WILL BE REUNITED. UNTIL…

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HOLIDAY JITTERS!

Posted on November 1, 2018 at 5:48am 3 Comments

Well, it's November 1 and the holiday season has officially begun. I for one am already starting to get the holiday jitters. Fortunately, my Tony and I had long ago cut ties with the commercialism of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our focus was on experiencing the "true" meaning of the season. For us that meant reaching out to friends and family with gestures of love...i.e. a visit to the nursing home to cheer up a family member or baking cookies with grandma and grandpa, etc.  Of course this…

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My Heart Still Aches

Posted on July 29, 2018 at 12:22pm 6 Comments

Exactly 3 months ago today my world was shattered and I lost my only true love and my soulmate. People keep telling me the heartache I feel will become more and more bearable. Right now I don't see how that will ever be possible. Even after 50 years together (over 47 married) we were looking forward to the future. We still had so many plans and dreams. Despite his illness (he was on dialysis) we had learned to navigate around his treatments and we still managed to travel and do the things we…

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Fathers Day

Posted on June 18, 2018 at 9:48am 0 Comments

WELL, My Dearest,

             We made it....our first Fathers Day without you! I have to admit I was a basket case the days leading up to Sunday. Generally, the kids and I would be wrapped up in getting you that "perfect" gift. This year I was going to get you that new recliner you always wanted....your Pammie was sure to get daddy something special and of course Howard was the one to get you something funny. Kevin, our oldest always was the first to call and the grandkids jumped…

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Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 9:44am on June 15, 2018, riet said…

Dear Diva,

Reading your post, it struck me how close your experiences are similar to mine.  My husband died on the 20th of last April. He was suffering from braincancer.  He fought against it for 4 years with every force in him. He wanted to live and live and live.  He was my soulmate, my best friend, my love for almost 50 years.  We met when I was 15 and he was 23. 

The opposition from both our communities even brought us together more strongly as ever.

We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren who miss their dad and grandpa terribly. My dear husband lived for me and his family.

And as in the poem: he was my North, my South, my East and West, I thought it would last forever and I was wrong.

I still can't cope with his dead. There are times I just scream his name and hope he will hear it.  Or I close my eyes and pretend he is standing next to me. 

How do you manage to go on with your recent terrible loss?

I  thought I was prepared because of the grief we had before he died. The cancer had destroyed almost all functions of his body. He was almost completely paralyzed. He lost almost completely his speech and his sight. And still he wanted to battle till the last day.

He didn't want to return to a hospital or a hospice, so with the help of our daughter who nursed him every day in the last month, he could stay and pass away in our home. 

I miss him so very much.  And just like you, I melt down sometimes. In places we went together,  hearing a song we both liked, seeing the flowers he planted last year.

And I am so angry sometimes. The thought I never never see him again, is unbearable to me.  We never can share any jokes, or any memories no more .

People keep telling me this will change . At this moment I don't see that.  I only want to get those horrible last months out of my mind.  I want to see my darling as he was before this disease entered in our life. Before he was so dependent on help.

But it is difficult to find again my caring, creative, lovely husband again. I have to watch old photos to see this.

You experience this for about the same time as me .

So I wanted to say hello to you .

All the best to you

Riet

At 9:20am on June 6, 2018, Rainy (Misty) said…

Hi Diva, I noticed you on my blog and chked to see if you were new here.  I see that you are, WELCOME!  I'm so very sorry you've had to join us.  The struggle is real but not impossible.  I hope you'll find courage, strength and companionship here, just as I have. 

At 8:26am on June 4, 2018, Patience said…

Welcome to Widville, Diva70.I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Click the "help" link at the top of page. You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. And the "chat room" is open 24/7.
Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.

 
 
 

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