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Mary H
  • Female
  • La Jolla, CA
  • United States
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Mary H's Discussions

Faking it to Make it Didn't Work

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Mar 26, 2017. 8 Replies

When I hit two years I decided that I was going to stop wasting my life in sorrow and heartbreak.  I decided that I would focus on feeling grateful for the wonderful life I was able to share with an…Continue

What to do when someone's pity talk begins to feel like too much?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Nance63 Feb 6, 2017. 12 Replies

I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and there is a woman who worked with him who cared for him very much and she has made a point of checking in with me regularly and making sure I am okay, and…Continue

Is it easier to decide not to move on?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lupe's husband Mar 14, 2017. 48 Replies

I loved my husband so much, and he was an incredible person.  I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life.  It is so easy now that I have lost him to think that no one could love me as much as he…Continue

Advice on Vacations in the First Year?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada May 28, 2015. 22 Replies

I have had several (not widowed) people tell me that I should take my kids on a nice vacation this year, and I thought at first that we should as well, but the problem is that we took so many really…Continue

 

Mary H's Page

Latest Activity

Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"That's a hilarious analogy.    I've never been compared to a groundhog before.  I just  think any future love will have to wait for another time, another season."
16 hours ago
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"We're like groundhogs... the sun was out, and we saw our shadows.  Six more weeks of winter for us.  I'm thinking that even in those who know that they want to start again, this starting and stopping is probably pretty…"
yesterday
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I've kind of decided to put any dating plans on hold for awhile.    I've given this some thought recently and I can see being in a good relationship could make my life that much better, but a bad relationship could make it…"
Friday
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I've come to face that I'm not quite ready to move forward, so I've disabled my dating profile.  I know that I do want to find another partner one day if I can and when I'm ready, and I guess that time is just not yet. …"
Friday
Graced Teacher replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Thank you, you are so right, I don't know that this will ever be easy.  As you know there are waves and although I feel unbelievably blessed those waves still come.  I truly wish you the best as you discover the path for you.  "
May 20
Graced Teacher replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Thank you, and yes it is very scary.  I truly wish you the best in your journey, may God bless and comfort you."
May 20
Graced Teacher replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Thank you, wishing you the best in this difficult journey as you figure out the right path for you."
May 20
silver55 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Wow, good luck!  I am very curious to see how this all works out for you.  "
May 20
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Good luck, Dianne.    Remember us widows and widowers root for each other, no matter what we do!   I think I'm going to take a break from pursuing a relationship for a while, but I like this thread and the support we get…"
May 20
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Wow, good luck!  I can see how the fact that the proposed date landed on your birthday made a difference in your decision to accept it.  And I really related to your post, especially the list of adjectives, feeling scared, nervous, old,…"
May 20
Soaring Spirits replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I've not joined a dating site and don't plan to, but a widowed friend wanted to introduce me to a friend of hers. I initially declined her offer to join them at a local lounge with dancing (a big no from me to dancing when just meeting).…"
May 19
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Well, yet another perfectly nice man has asked me if I'd like to meet and even though this is what I signed up for, even though this is what I think is necessary to move forward in my life after 3 years, I find myself unable to do it. …"
May 19
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Your fiance is a lucky woman Graced Teacher.  I was very touched by the part of your story that she wanted to change parts of the home which you and your wife had designed together, and how you handled it.  And thank you for the reminder…"
May 16
silver55 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Good point, I guess I just yearn to hang out with somebody that gets it, maybe I'm just wishing for something I can't have, who knows.  I am not the boo-hooing type of person - but I am afraid that it will come upon me when I…"
May 15
Nitabug replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"How wonderful for you! What a process...it sounds so familiar. I can appreciate your vulnerability in deciding that another relationship is worth it. Thank you for sharing your perspective and your process. It's much appreciated. "
May 15
Graced Teacher replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"It has been fascinating to read these updates on my e-mail.  I have felt like I should reply at some point but just haven't had the time.  So many of your feelings and thoughts I can relate to because I went through so many of the…"
May 15

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Mary H's Blog

Reflections on the First Year on the Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 8:56am 0 Comments

Today I came across a quote by Marcus Aurelius, “Tomorrow is nothing, today is too late; the good lived yesterday.”  What can he have meant by it?  I can only assume that he lost someone too, as that is how I felt nearly every day for an entire year.  The pain I felt on my husband's death was so intense that I thought the physical stress of it would carry me off as well.  Everything around me looked flat, as if the world itself was changed without his observation of it.  I didn’t sleep, and…

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Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 9:28am on February 17, 2016, Hope said…

Mary H, you didn't need to apologize at all. Trying does not always work and you are so right. Hugs

At 6:03pm on June 27, 2015, Brucer said…

Hi Mary H,

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you all my best.  My wife died 2 yrs and 8 months ago and this journey of grief goes on and on.  I saw your comments about family visits and how inconsiderate they can be.  For me, I experienced their lack of understanding of my wife's cancer as she battled for 8 years.  Her family continued to rely on her for everything as if she was perfectly healthy.  They expected her to put on holiday dinners, birthday parties, give haircuts,...you name it!  I could barely stand it and tried to politely suggest that others step up.  It was maddening at times.  We moved to Albuquerque from Cleveland for a job opportunity for me while she was in remission.  Eventually, her cancer returned and she passed in our home and we were together...just us two the way it should have been. 

People can be so selfish sometimes and others, like my wife, are so unselfish always giving of themselves.  Even now, If I dwell on the demands that her family put on her, I begin to boil so I try to block it out.  Life is too short for pointless anger. 

I hope each day is a little better for you.  Stay well.

Bruce

At 8:36am on April 24, 2015, laurajay said…

awe mary...thx  I so feel your pain   so fresh  so puzzling  and the urgency with which the grief  attacks is so exhausting...especially when resolve does not flow.  Be strong. I will not say it gets easier or softer...only you will know if it does...but there will be more changes and when they come they often give a glimpse of something that resembles understanding.   love lj

At 2:10pm on April 20, 2015, Gary'swife said…

Mary- Thanks for the friend request.  I hope you can get some of the paperwork and financial things sorted out.  That is the worse, and the most pressing in the beginning.  I know you have already found this site to be helpful, and trust you will come here for sharing, and venting as needed.  It's a horrible journey we are all on, but it's good to know we are not alone.

At 8:43am on March 13, 2015, Deborah B said…

Just stopping by to let you know that I lift in prayer and send you lovelovelove.  My husband has been gone for 15 months now.  I miss him more every day.  Sending you strength for the funeral.

Deborah

At 9:16pm on March 7, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Mary H. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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