Shit People Say to Widows.m4v

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Comment by john on March 3, 2013 at 8:44am

There should be a book of Quotes , good link ,i had a friends wife say to me i should be able understand the stages of grief because of my work in Health and Social Care ,if it was that easy i wouldnt be feeling the way i do...

Comment by Blue Snow on January 6, 2013 at 11:11am

Reading "he's in a better place" reminded me of something my sister-in-law said a few days after the funeral. She said that she could picture my husband up in heaven holding court with a bunch of women at his feet. At the time I was very hurt by the comment and told her I didn't want to hear it. And she says, "Why? You'd want him to be happy and having a good time, wouldn't you?" Fast forward almost a year and I can see the humor in the conservation but, that doesn't stop me from still getting a little jealous thinking about the visual of hot-bodied angels that look like Victoria Secret models hanging on his every word as he tells one of his long-winded stories.

Comment by Mford4 (Marlene) on January 6, 2013 at 7:52am

It has been 10 months since my husband died.  Let me count the times someone has already asked, "so you think you'll try on line dating?"  Thanks for sharing the video!

Comment by Mac on December 31, 2012 at 11:40am

I have heard some crazy stuff. Personally, since becoming a widower, I prefer people that don't have filters and say crazy stuff to people that don't say anything at all. I am surprised but usually not offended by some of the things that I have heard.

Thanks for doing this video.

Comment by Samantha (was clare) on October 20, 2012 at 9:30pm

"he's in a better place"   better than with his wife of 27 years......       "so glad you took that first step and went back to work today, didn't that feel better than being in the house all day?"    aaaagggghhhh

Comment by LOTTIECJ on July 15, 2012 at 12:52am

This is so true ... I have heard many of these to adnauseum ... although i realize it is difficult to know what to say ... sometimes nothing or just a hug is better than an ill advised comment.  Only a widow truly knows how another widow feels ... and even then all circumstances and personalities are different.  All have their own way of coping.

Comment by Erica on July 11, 2012 at 4:33pm

I hate it when people tell me "At least you don't have children, it's for the best". It's useally followed by "you have that great new job and your freedom".  Yes my job comforts me like my husband did and fills that void of not having kids. (whatever)  And "freedom" is just a nice way of saying your all alone.

 

BTW I love this video I didn't relize that it was just me getting told all this.

Comment by Sherbear on June 4, 2012 at 12:20pm

I posted this video on my FB page for all my friend to see and become somewhat educated.

"He's in a better place" (But I'm not. How does this statement help me. It just magnifys my misery) "At least he's not suffering anymore" (But my suffering has just begun. How does knowing his suffering has ended help me with my suffering? Not sure this statement is that comforting to me. It might be more comforting for them), "At least you didn't have children" (usually coming from people who have tons of kids! I long more than any time to have had his children! How cruel is that! What a stab to my already broken heart!)

Thank for makingthis video!

Comment by Diane on June 4, 2012 at 7:01am

My sister, who was divorced last year after two years of a separation following 30 years of marriage, sat next to me three days after my husband of 38 years died suddenly of a v-fib while playing racquetball (Feb. 1, 2012).  She grabbed my hand and whispered in my ear, "Now, you're single and so am I."  I felt like I was in the Twilight zone already, but this was just so bizarre.  All I could say was "I don't feel single!" and pulled away.  She did it again a couple days later, after the services.  There were a bunch of people at my house and I was alone in the kitchen putting some things in the dishwasher.  She came close again, whispered in my ear and said, "Now, you're single and so am I.  Why do you always do what I do?"  I pulled away and said the same reply that I didn't feel single.  We have been very close thru the years, and this just stumps me.  She started sending me letters and emails telling me that WE need to write in a journal about our sadness, WE need to read some quotes she sent me about moving on and embracing OUR new lives, WE need to not be so sad and see our blessings first.  All this in the first month.  I had to email her and ask her to stop as it was sending me over the edge.  I told her how hurtful it was and how she needed to understand sudden death grief and she was terribly offended.  My words were harsh, but all true.  To this day I have no idea why she thought this was a good idea.  I have reached out to her several times in the last month, but she has not responded.  Just so wierd.

Comment by smit09 on May 4, 2012 at 8:00am

lol-my friend admitted to me that she has absolutely no clue what to say to people. She lost her mother to cancer and still has no idea what to say.  She said to me "stace, Im sorry for saying that Craig went to a better place... I really have no idea where we go when we die, no one does...its just a dumb thing people say to make themselves feel like they've said something good---Im sorry"

I had to laugh at her.

"It's all good Linda, it's all good" 

haha/

we'll get through this guys!!!

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