It has been 2 years and 9 months that my Ruth closed her eyes forever. Since day one the absence has been felt. First I was isolated because everyone was using the pandemic as a reason to be away. But Now at this point I see how people stay away. I mean they hit me with all the clichés and platitudes about grief. Yet not many can take the time to really stop in to see if I am really ok. For the most part I never really stopped doing all the usual things like cook, clean, bathes, pay bills etc just really alone. Even my friend of 30 years bailed on me. I never realized how much no one knocked at the door or called till my Ruth died.
Rex says
Posted on June 16, 2023 1
It seems like I lost a lot of so called friends when my Tobey died. Her friends my friends and our friends. People not answering calls etc…
JeffryP says
Posted on April 25, 2023 2
I mow the lawn, do the laundry, walk the dog, read a book, eat the leftovers, watch the late news, take a pill, shed a tear, and go to bed alone. God has granted me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, but not yet the wisdom to know why. I have lost the meaning of my life to the implacable emptiness of unrelenting 24/7 loneliness.
Elsie De Leon says
Posted on April 18, 2023 1
I understand that completely. My husband passed away 2 years 1 month and 1/2 ago and I feel people expect me to (as they say) “move on.” They clearly don’t have an idea of what they are saying & what loneliness means because they haven’t experienced loosing their loved spouse yet.
But on the flip side. I decided to go out and keep myself busy helping others, family friends and people at my church. It keeps me occupied and my mind and heart are in a better placebknowing I am making a difference in someone’s life.
I also have been the one calling family and friends when I need to talk to someone, anyone.
If someone doesn’t answer I move on down the list to the next family member or friend. It has really helped me reconnect with people and I feel less lonely. I’ve even asked if they want to go out for coffee a movie or a walk. You’d be surprised how good it feels to reconnect with family and friends again. I also decided to go to griefshare.org where I not only learned the correct way to grieve but also met 10 widows like me and now we meet weekly for dinner, events, movies concerts etc.
Ive learned that in this new journey of Widowhood, its okay to be thebone reaching out. The worst someone can say is I can’t right now.
Rick M (Carousel) says
Posted on April 19, 2023 1
Elsie – Others do not know, thankfully, what we are experiencing. I believe they mean well though. The loneliness will be present at different times, so it’s good to reach out to others when needed, whether going to a movie or grabbing a cup of coffee with someone. I really feel we can find some joy or happiness even in this different life we find ourselves in.
–Rick
Elsie De Leon says
Posted on May 7, 2023 1
Hi Rick, in this new journey I am now on I have learned to enjoy my own company when I can’t find a family member or friend to go have a cup of coffee or go to the movies with. I must admit it is not easy when your heart fills shattered but being by myself doesn’t stop me. People have even asked me why I go to the movies by myself and I always answer “why not?”
I have found strength in knowing Nelson would want me to live life to the fullest. I have even traveled on my own. At first I was a bit scared, but then I realized that I could do it and decided to focus on the joy of traveling knowing Nelson would be proud of my endeavors.
I live in sunny San Diego so in the summer I get in my car, turn on my favorite music, grab an ice coffee on the way and drive to the beach⛱ at about 4-5pm just in time to see the sunset while I reflect on the beautiful life I had with my beloved Nelson. It is very therapeutic and has honestly been my saving grace. Sometimes I take a walk on either Saturday or Sunday morning at a lake near my house while I listen to either a podcast, preaching or music. I started doing this immediately after my beloved husband passed to clear my mind and it has helped me a lot.
I have learned you can be alone and be okay because you occupy your mind & time doing things you like (listening to music, reading, writing, drawing, housework, watching tv, hobbies, etc.) Or you can be by yourself and feel lonely. The choice is yours. I choose whatever makes me happy even if it doesn’t make sense to the “old me,” it makes sense to the “new me.” Wishing you and Sylvester the best,
Elsie
SilvestreM says
Posted on April 19, 2023 0
Elsie, I try to call people but alot of times they have this tone like I am bothering them. Non of them can be here at that crucial moment I need. My in laws are alot better but they work.
Babette says
Posted on October 24, 2023 0
I’m confused by your comment that you learned the correct way to grieve. Whatever way we grieve is the correct way. As a friend of mine told me- if it’s right for you, it’s right.