My wife passed away on 11-11-2023 from stage 4 metastatic ovarian cancer. She had been diagnosed at the end of April, 2022. Odd thing is that she was a health "nut". Always watched what she was eating, took much better care of herself than I did. And this just smacked us in the face out of nowhere. Her only symptom was a nagging cough that turned out to be caused by severe pleural effusion of the right lung. A trip to the emergency room wound up getting 2.6 liters of fluid extracted. And analyzing that fluid found cancer cells floating within it.
She had surgery to remove most of her female plumbing. Then chemo therapy. Then we tried alternative therapies, including a trip for her down to Tijuana, Mexico for 3 weeks. And of course, I tried the prayer thing. Man, did I ever pray. All for naught, though.
Our 46th wedding anniversary was this past January 8th.
I lost my wife and best friend for the better part of my life.
So now I am just at loose ends, seemingly just treading water waiting for my own number to come up. I did have a heart attack a month after she was diagnosed, had two stents put into my coronary arteries, and so far I am physically none the worse for wear. But mentally I am a wreck. Doctor put me on Escitalopram when I went to him to ask for help dealing with this nightmare. Is the drug working? Beats me. I have nothing to compare against. But it is really tough with everything around me reminding me of her. Before she passed she said that she hoped that all of those reminders would eventually bring a smile to my face. Not seeing that happening yet.
Oh well, not sure if this place is going to be helpful or not. When I am out with the few friends I have, I tend to wear a mask and hope some random memory doesn't rip it away from my face. No one wants to hand around someone who is a constant wet blanket for their picnic.
RichZ says
Posted on March 9, 2024 0
Any one else feel like screaming when someone says “you will get over it and be able to move on”?
Anyone else feel like screaming when someone says “God had a better plan for your wife than being here on Earth”?
Anyone else feel the weight of a great wave of despair from some some little thing that brings a painful memory, and then feel the undertow that threatens to keep your head underwater?
Does anyone else feel that you have no future any longer? That seemingly the reason for you to take in one breath of air after another no longer exists?
Honestly I thought this would be a place where I could find some help, but truth is, it appears to be as dead as that cold, black thing in my chest that used to be my heart.