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Latest Activity: Oct 2
It's a week away from the 3 year anniversary of my husband's death. I have been thinking about him so much lately, having little flashbacks of us together doing daily activities, dancing, eating together. I feel sad. I Miss him. I am still not feeling that close to family. Too many years of not being a part of them has been difficult to reverse. And I am a childless aunt...apparently I have nothing to offer!
I brought my 96 year old mother to live with me a little over 2 months ago. I am dealing with my feelings about her lack o grqatitude close up. I feel so taken for granted instead of appreciated. My cousins are coming up from Philadelphia for a day visit tomorrow. From the way she talked, I thought she was bringing lunch and we all would eat it together. Now it turns out that she expected me to treat her and her brother, since they are driving up. That wasn't my sense of the visit in the first place. I thought I was being gifted something, now it seems that I am not. And now I have to buy groceries, make salad, cannot make the cake that I had planned because all of a sudden my cousin is not eating carbs
I already feel out of sorts because I am feeling lost and alone, wondering how I will ever find love again at 65, when we all know that men want younger women and sex...well, you know what I mean. I wish I had my old life back. My husband would be helping with Mom, we would be going on a road trip once in a while, just enjoying hanging out. It doesn't seem like I am asking for all that much...
I'd say hang in there Charlotteelsie, but honestly, I've been feeling like I've been walking a tightrope over the abyss myself lately. Just don't look down, and try to find something, anything which you can find joy in for a little bit. That's my plan and my hope, that if I just keep going, maybe one day I will look around and find myself happy again.
It's nice to see folks posting here. Today was our anniversary. I met Mark on this day in 1999 and we were married in our back yard on this date in 2009. In 10 days he'll be gone 3 years. It's strange to me that it's been almost 3 years. I still miss him everyday but I realized recently that I don't cry everyday anymore and I'm not sure when that happened. I also haven't been dreading August this year like I did in 2016 and 2017. Year one was busy with selling our house, moving, doing all of that "business" stuff you have to do when someone dies. Year two was the hardest year for me, I guess because the reality set in. Year three was about acceptance now that I look back on it. Overwhelmingly, I have way more happy days that sad these days. After some fruitless (albeit at times hilarious) attempts at online dating I met someone pretty special. Not sure where it's going but it feels like it's going somewhere good. Year four, here I come!
It’s nice to catch up with members from our group. I’m sorry to hear about your knee and getting turned down for disability Charlotteelsie. Don’t give up on the disability. Most people are denied the first time. Van was turned down when she became ill and we got another SSA attorney and she got back pay and disability. I hope your surgery goes well. Mary and Bundles, I’m glad you’re moving forward and making progress. I know the online dating can be a real hit or miss. And dangerous for women. I did the online dating and did good and bad. Some of my dates didn’t turn out well and that’s okay. I got out the house and had practice! Two of the women I dated have become very good friends. And met a special lady last year and we’re very happy. She gives me support and space when things come up about Van. My family and some of Van’s family has met her and I think for the most part they are happy for me. But Van is always in the back of my mind and prayers every day. Right now I don’t see marriage in my future, it just doesn’t feel right. I really hope others in our group post how they are doing. No one understands our journey except us.
Mary H...Terry here! Glad that you are still dropping by. I left Widowed Village last winter and only rejoined yesterday. It may have been one of those things where you wonder if there is a power in control that knows more what I need than what I need...lol. You see, Nardly emailed me over the weekend to see how I was doing as he had not heard from me in a long time. Because the email was sent through this site, I could not reply to him if I wasn't a member so I re-upped! It feels good to be back. Its still the same old me but with a different screen name now. 3 1/2 years for me as well. Can't believe I survived it. I have a co-worker who just lost her husband to suicide two weeks ago. When the time is right, I am going to gently offer her the invitation to join widowed village. I honestly believe I would not be where I am in this journey had it not been for the support I have received from my Widowed in 2015 family.
Still here! I still miss my husband but I have gained some emotional stability. I recently broughf my 96 year old Mom to live with em. We are adjusting to the changes. I am not dating. I would like to be in a relationship, but not with just anybody. Online dating seems fisappointing.....
At three and a half years I am also doing much better than I would have anticipated, and am trying to live my life again. It is mostly okay. There are those sad days, but they aren't as frequent as they used to be. Yesterday I was at the grocery store and one of the clerks I chat to told me that it was her 42nd wedding anniversary coming up. She's a very nice woman and I'm happy for her, of course. But I felt bad for myself. I didn't tell her my story, but I was thrown into it in my head. But aside from little triggers like that, usually I am okay and I have accepted what's happened.
My journey through loss has been one of finding myself even though I didn't want to I guess. My husband was a very gifted man in many ways, and when I lost him, I felt as if I would be less than nothing without him. There wasn't that much of me in our us is what I've come to realize, and its taken me pretty much all of this time to realize that I can be and I deserve to be someone myself. As much as I loved him, losing him has been finding me, and I hope to be happy again one day. I wouldn't say I am quite there yet, but it's starting to feel possible. I am glad to hear all of your updates, whether they are messages of hope, or of pain and sorrow, and think it is a great idea to check in with each other.
Thanks for your posts. Im having a hard few weeks.
Paperwork, car broke down, daughter off to college in September, turned down for disability benefit. Im going fo
r a knee replacement Friday. Ignored by family. So miss my partner Bina and cant believe he will be dead 3 years 20th September.
Suzy B, your story and mine seem very similar. Trying to live my life now. I went looking at smaller houses yesterday. I had a Mass for Van Saturday night and that brought back some grief. I can look at pictures now and remember the good times but still miss her. I carried a lot of guilt for the last 3 years of her life. We had our problems and the illness and care taking put a lot of stress on us. I guess we will always have those special triggers, birthday, holidays and the day of their death. Yesterday while looking at houses I wanted to go look where we were going to build on this lake. We had the building plans picked out and all the fixtures etc. But we couldn't sell our house, we tried twice. I guess I was trying to see what our life would have looked like. But I could not find it. It's a huge lake, lots more houses since the 6-7 years ago we were there. I looked and looked becoming more frustrated
and not finding it. When I got home it hit me that maybe I wasn't supposed to see it. It would have brought more grief, more what ifs etc. Any way I'm glad to hear you are moving forward and making a new life. Yesterday I came here and saw no posts since May and reached out to a couple of friends here to see how they were doing on this journey of ours. Haven't heard back so I;m glad to hear how you're doing. I hope others will respond to our posts and let us know how things are going. Take care!
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