I have developed a habit of responding to the unwanted and dreaded "How are you" by just nodding and saying "Hey, how are you". In most cases, it is not noticed that you did not answer the question directly, and the ambiguity of the nod or the "hey" gives the impression that you did. In the few cases where the person really wants to know, well you have already tossed the question back, so it is theirs to answer.
Most how-are-you's are greetings, and not all questions deserve an answer.
KimS-3 says
Posted on October 17, 2022 0
I love your response, totally going to adopt it!! Thanks for the post.
AramG says
Posted on January 28, 2022 1
Depending on how I am feeling at the time, I say “I’m doing okay..” with emphasis on the “kay” and a pause.
Other times I just answer “not great” and move on with the conversation.
But in general most people don’t even ask. I guess they are afraid you will fall apart in front of them.
LisaB says
Posted on September 8, 2021 0
David
I think most people mean well, most of us have a horrible case of “ foot and mouth disease “ , fumble our words and generally are foolish . However we have giant hearts .. and be thankful they even cared enough to ask I guess? Answer the question because it’s origin is from a place of love ! ( 9 months post loss ) Lisa
KarenR says
Posted on September 6, 2021 0
I usually just say I am doing Okay. not sure what else to say.
I think that people know they should say something but have no idea what so this is what they ask.
TheresaC says
Posted on August 25, 2021 2
A good idea, DavidS! I, too, dread hearing that and also the, “If there’s anything I can do…” comment. LIKE WHAT???!!! Clean out my garage? Vacuum my house? Cook my next dinner-for-one? LOL!
Anyway, what has helped me is just to be honest and say, “How do you think I’m doing?” (not said in a sarcastic tone of voice…just matter-of-factly) or I often respond, “I’m just taking it one day at a time.”
You know, for as long as I can remember, “How are you?” was just a casual greeting that most of us just automatically responded to with , “Great! How are you?” or “Fine! How are YOU doing?” , but now it means a completely different thing, doesn’t it. It seems like they’re really begging to ask a different question: “Are you ever going to be back to normal again.” or “Tell me how you’re handling this.” I don’t think they’re being mean spirited…I just think people don’t know what to say or they’re just curious for their own sake of knowing how THEY would handle a loss such as we’re experienced. So, I try not to let it get to me and remind myself that “How I Am” would take reams of paper to actually describe…and it would probably make them miserable to hear it. Many blessing to you and the others who all feel the same way we do.
Carmen says
Posted on July 3, 2021 2
I am strong. I am supported. I am not alone. I am enough.
Thanks for showing your care by checking in with me.
How are you holding up?
DavidS says
Posted on July 3, 2021 0
Early on, I had a very strong reaction to the question, but in the last month, I have not been tripped up by it at all. Progress! One negative negated, 999 left to go.
TheresaC says
Posted on August 25, 2021 0
great responses! thanks!
jon says
Posted on June 26, 2021 0
I just answer ” I feel sad today”
LisaB says
Posted on June 21, 2021 0
yes, they REALLY dont want to know how I am really…how long do you have for me to answer that? well actually…Im just putting one foot in front of the other some days…OR I could say…well …this is the worst thing I could ever wish on anyone….Yes, Im fine and you…
Lisa
only1sue says
Posted on June 16, 2021 1
Sounds one way of coping. I guess most of how we could is just using some common sense. Good friends might fig a little deeper to find out how you really are.