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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Califocean
  • Female
  • Lemoore, CA
  • United States
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It is so important to have someone who can relate to what you are going through and what is to come. While each of us will respond to our loss in our own unique way, it still amazes me how alike our responses are as well.

I am a Widow. It has defined me. More than most of my other life experiences combined. I am so very grateful, yes, to God, for the 13 years I had with Kevin. He so rocked my world like no one else ever will! I see him often in our girls. They inherited his quick wit, intelligence, to name a few. He was one of a kind, and he is missed by those who loved him.

It has taken me 5 1/2 years (as of 6 January 2013) to get through the majority of the grief...there is still those times where an emotion is invoked unexpectedly, but I am much better equipped to recover quickly.

Many people do not know how to "deal" with the on-going process a Widow or Widower goes through. You are expected to be over your loss within months, which is so unrealistic.

It can take as much as 8 years to work through grief (this depends on what professional you ask). Don't rush, take your time and deal with what you can when you can. But do accept help to do even the smallest things for you whenever they are offered. Don't try to do it all.

Califocean's Blog

My birthday epiphany.

Posted on January 6, 2013 at 8:00pm 0 Comments

Today is my birthday. While I appreciate all the Happy Birthday wishes I have received, I no longer have a fondness for the celebratory custom involved with the day itself. And of course, I no longer have my husband to share the day with. It has been 5 1/2 years since he spent the last one with me.

 

Kevin would ask me every year where I wanted to eat for my birthday. I would say "chinese", and he would take me to our local favorite Mexican restaurant. Kevin wasn't big on…

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My Biggest Pet Peeve Ever ~ Originates from what has happened during my journey from who I was before 29 June 2007 to who I am today...29 March 2011

Posted on January 6, 2013 at 7:00pm 0 Comments

Written on 29 March 2011
 
My Biggest Pet Peeve Ever ~ Originates from what has happened during my journey from who I was before 29 June 2007 to who I am today (written on 29 March 2011). I wrote this when posting about grief on a blog and went into more detail than I originally planned, for which, the new me is not sorry in the least. I refrained from a portion of it being posted on their site. Why? Because…
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The short version of memories of our last month (June 2007) with Kevin...

Posted on January 6, 2013 at 6:30pm 0 Comments

I wrote this on 11 June 2011.

 

June 8th 2007 was a Friday. It was also the last "date" night Kevin and I had together. He also had duty that weekend, and spent part of our evening on the phone dealing with an individual in custody in a jail that a hold needed to be placed on. Gratefully it happened after dinner. We had dropped the girls off to spend the night with their cousins. Kev and I hit Cool Hand Luke's, in…

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At 8:39pm on May 9, 2013, Brandee999 said…
Thank you Califocean!!!! Finding this site has been helpful. No one I know has gone thru this type of loss. I lost my best friend, lover & father of my children. I know time heals but this seems almost unbearable
At 7:46pm on August 8, 2011, Susan B said…

Hi califocean--welcome to WV. We are all in the same boat and are here any time you need a shoulder to lean on or a place to sound off. No holds barred. Sorry for the reason  you are here, but glad you have come!

I'm not far from you at the coast

hugs, 

susan

 
 
 

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