Kate's Page

Hi Kate,

I am sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you.  Not sure how I found your profile but I was taken in by your photos.  They are quite awesome and the love you two shared is captured wonderfully!

My sweetie passed on October 16, 2012 after an 8 yr battle with ovarian cancer.  I look at our photos and especially our wedding photos when we were 19.  It really makes me smile and then cry soon after.  Doesn't seem right what she had to go through but I guess we're not in charge of all this.

I hope you are finding moments of peace and I wish you all the best!

Bruce

Thank you kate and I'm sorry for your Loss also, It has been a vary rough time for me but  I know all of the people are going through the same thing. I thank you for your resent comment  

Hi Kate,

Thank you for taking the time to comment on my post yesterday.  The day was a good one overall.  I made a choice to be positive and do my best to think about all the wonderful things that we experienced together.  I heard from a couple of people that were in our wedding expressing love and wonderful memories.

I can't thank you enough for taking time out to send me a message. LAJ

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Hi Kate

You know, it was always one of my biggest fears that something would happen to Jerry. I think it's because I didn't have a career for myself . He never worried about it. He was such a positive person....almost too positive. He was the glass half full kind of guy.  A couple of months before he died he was going through some transitions with his company. I outright asked him what his "Plan B" was for the business  if something happened to him, and I didn't just mean death, I meant if he was injurred . He was basically a one-man show. He would just get angry with me and say "I don't know!" Well here I am holding the bag of his dreams. Unwillingly I might add. People looking in from the outside think I was involved more than I was and pressured me saying I have to continue his legacy. In my heart I know I can't do the job properly, nor do I really want to. It is not the same without him. No decision I have made so far seems right. I feel like I am tearing apart everything he worked for . But I have to worry about myself and the kids. I get angry when people say he's watching over us. It sure doesn't feel like it. I am on my own....totally.

I guess this next while will be a time of soul-searching for both of us. I wish there was some kind of support system to help with major life changes . I don't know about you, but I have no desire to go back to school at this point. I have trouble finishing a magazine article, let alone trying to write an essay or read textbooks, while trying to manage a household by myself and clean up all the" death mess".

I understand that you would have  a hard time thinking about leaving your home that you shared. It's a connection to him. I guess time and healing will give you the answer as to whether you return to Australia.

 I'm looking up at a spot on my kitchen wall with the family's height marks and I think I really need to paint that but then it would be gone forever. We kept comparing our son's height to Jerry's because he was growing soooo fast. (He will be 16 on Aug 18). He ended up 5 inches taller than his Dad. We've been in this home for 22 years. I'm not making any plans to leave at this point.  But sometimes I think maybe I might want a fresh start somewhere else when the kids are gone.  I wonder if that might be even lonelier. 

How did you and Jeff meet? Was he visiting Australia, or were you in the States?

I checked out your photograghy website.....beautiful work. I can see how difficult it would be to capture people's special moments and not be hurt or jealous or resentful of the joy in their lives. Maybe you can take your photography in a different direction somehow. Listen to me....I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  

It doesn't seem like it now, but we will both make it. I keep going back to that saying.." A woman is like tea bag...you never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water."   We just need a little more time to steep :o)

Hi Kate

I worked with my husband out of our home as well.  We had an 8 race running series (which I have sold but still have the company to deal with) as well as another company where we put on a yearly running cruise (I booked the cabins but now have to do everything) . I do go into a travel agency one day per week to work on files that must be submitted.  I am still doing that for 2013 but have to make a big decision for 2014. I am finding it truly difficult to continue without him. It was his thing really. Running was his passion. I felt kind of pressured by other people  to continue but not sure it's the right decision for me to continue. I was under alot of pressure time-wise . I realize now it was not the time to be making such big decisons. Can't go back now. Just hoping to get through it and then I can start to think about what I might do with my future. I really don't have a "career" per se. I stayed home with our 3 kids for 13 years and just as they were finally in school, he quit his job of 21 years and started a business that included travelling so I found it difficult to figure out  what I might have wanted to do. Now at 49 I have to start from scratch and figure out what the heck to do. And that scares me.  Financially ,I have to do something as most of our income left with him. We had some life insurance but I will have to top it up if I want any kind of life other than just surviving. I just don't know where to begin with that one. I won't even start trying to figure it out until after the 2013 cruise in January.     :( Your husband passed away on my son's BD.  Nov 2 will be one year for my husband. Dreading that day.  

Hi Kate

Thanks for the add. You are right. None of this is fair. I feel your pain and sympathize with you. Although each of our situations are unique, the end result is the same . We are without our life partner and not by choice. My husband and I were together almost 30 years.  I too am stuck right now. All I seem to be able to do is stare out the window and wander around . I accomplish next to nothing every day. My brain is a scattered mess. I have to start getting somewhere . Find a reason to move forward...find hope. I'll get a day that's ok and hope the next one will be the same and then whammo, down the black hole again. Trying to climb out.  

Your pictures are amazing by the way. Beautiful couple. You can see the love between you.  Sometimes I can look at pictures and smile and remember the good times...other times they are just a reminder of what I've lost. Such a double edged sword.

Here's hoping that we will find our way back soon.

Jody 

Hi Kate -

     Thanks for answering my message.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Those pictures are such nice memories.  They're beautiful.  My husband, Brian, died a year ago last Saturday.  He had pancreatic cancer and he fought it for almost 2 years.  I still miss him as much as I did when he first died.  I was asked if I feel like myself again and I said that I don't think I'll ever feel like myself again because part of me died when he died.  I feel like part of me went with him.  How are you coping?  Did you think that widows had it easy, I did, not I regret not paying more attention to widows that I knew.  If you spend some time at this site, it helps.  Take care, Elaine