"kinigenie I'm glad you had a good experience with the medium. I've spoken with two, and the first was pretty good but I had a few issues with the second. I'm not sure what to make of them. Sometimes I feel like he came through,…"
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I can't stand the guilt
Started this discussion. Last reply by jillhk Jan 13. 14 Replies 3 Likes
My husband died of liver failure almost four weeks ago. He was an alcoholic; I knew that, but he somehow convinced me and himself he could handle drinking socially. I knew that wasn't right, but I…Continue
What am I supposed to be doing?
Started this discussion. Last reply by Sabra Jan 4. 12 Replies 0 Likes
My husband died three weeks ago. All I want to do is crawl into our bed and sob until I die basically. But I have a three month old daughter. So I have to take care if her. Also, I had to go back to…Continue
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Latest Activity
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Born in the 70s
"Why?????? do the schools have to throw these family days?!!!!! Why can't they let family life just be about that - family! Family time is none of the school's business, unless they suspect there's abuse. It serves no purpose and in…"
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Suddenly widowed
"Ugh, I am so sick of all the cliches, the analogies, the similies, the metaphors. I wish people would just describe this as it is, a horrible fucking tragedy that is unfair to all of us."
MrsD commented on 9Mile's blog post Party Animals
"I think I know what you mean. My birthday was a few weeks after Dan died. I posted on facebook and told people, please, please let the day go by without acknowledging it. His birthday was eleven days before mine. It was so painful, turning 36 when…"
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2012
"I see a therapist, mostly to work through the circumstances of his death though. But the worst part, missing him, there's nothing anybody can say or do about that. It's not something that can be fixed. I go to a group too, but I'm not…"
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2012
"A few weeks ago I took some flowers to Dan's grave. I went back Friday and of course the flowers were dead, but because they were there that part of the grave hadn't been mowed. So there were these little weeds popping through. I…"
MrsD commented on moderndayjune's blog post First Mothers Day
""I still to this day am so hurt by his honest response that yes, he'd remarry if I were to die."
I had a similar conversation with Dan, and I feel the same way. I know it does no good to think about it, but I do, and it hurts like…"
MrsD replied to Sharrona's discussion Losing Friends
"I really only still talk to two or three of my friends. At first it bothered me, and I guess it still does, but more for his sake than mine if that makes any sense. But the truth is, I don't really care about anybody else's lives. That…"
MrsD replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion What is the most insensitive thing someone has said to you about your loss?
"That's nuts. I've lost hair too, and now it's growing in all funny. I don't know if people have noticed. I did have a coworker ask me the other day, what's the matter? What do you THINKis the atter? What do you think is on…"
MrsD replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion Introduce yourselves, please!
"Thanks, I think it must be an issue with my computer, because I can send messages and reply to specific posts fine from my phone."
MrsD commented on Paul R's blog post The Promise of Death The Passion of Life - A Book Review
"Suz, books about death and the afterlife are all I can read now too. I don't find the grief books all that helpful, except maybe the Lewis book. I just finished Proof of Heaven and I was a little disappointed. Everybody says it's supposed…"
MrsD replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion Introduce yourselves, please!
"I'm having a little trouble sending messages. Maybe the problem's on my end, but just wanted to let you know about it in case it's not. I would have sent you a message about it, instead of posting here, but, I can't."
MrsD replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion Introduce yourselves, please!
"I'm not sure why it's not letting me respond to specific people. But anyway, I do think this should be a place where people should feel free to share their feelings. However, I do not think that extends to placing character judgements on…"
MrsD replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion Introduce yourselves, please!
"A little perspective on the point Krista is making:
My husband worked with young children. He was a gifted storyteller, a kind mentor, and a promoter of reading an knowledge. He sang songs to little kids, he held video game tournements that…"
MrsD commented on MrsD's photo
This is so us.
"Thank you. When they showed thsi picture at the memorial the schools threw for him everybody laughed. I miss him, I miss th eme I used to be, and I miss us."
MrsD replied to Jake (OK)'s discussion Move to new house or not? Accident happened on our road!
"Good for you, I'm glad you made a decision you feel good about. I've been thinking about this more and more as I've been spending time taking my daughter for walks in our neighborhood. It's so so painful, for some reason more…"
Profile Information
- Would you like to add a statement about you to your profile page? For example, the URL of a blog? This answer will be VISIBLE on your profile page.
- http://whywasntloveenough.wordpress.com/2012/10/16/no-idea-how-im-g...
I am stretched on your grave
And I'll lie there forever
If your hands were in mine
I'd be sure they could not sever
My apple tree, my brightness
It's time we were together
For I smell of the earth
And am worn by the weather
When my family thinks
That I'm safely in my bed
From morn until night
I am stretched out at your head
Calling out to the earth
With tears hot and wild
My grief for the boy
That I loved as a child
Do you remember the night we were lost
In the shade of the blackthorn
And the chill of frost
And thanks be to Jesus
We did all that was right
And your maiden head still
Is your pillar of light
The priests and the friars
They approach me in dread
Because I still love you
My love and you're dead
I still would be your shelter
Through rain and through storm
And with you in your cold grave
I cannot sleep warm
So I am stretched on your grave
And will lie there forever
If your hands were in mine
I'd be sure they could not sever
My apple tree, my brightness
It's time we were together
For I smell of the earth
And am worn by the weather
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Just one
Posted on April 14, 2013 at 3:49pm 2 Comments 0 Likes
There are so many things that we didn't even get one of as a family. We didn't get one Mother's day, or Father's day. Not one of our daughter's birthday. No Halloween, no Fourth of July. Not one single holiday at all. Not one trip to the park, or the zoo. Not one. We never had a family portrait; the only pictures of the three of us were taken right after my c-section while I was still on the table. We never all three got to play together, she was so young when he died. We never all laughed…
Continue Yoko Ono
Posted on April 11, 2013 at 4:57pm 7 Comments 0 Likes
"What healing? That's another thing most people don't know, but the widows of the world will know. Losing a husband is something you can't shake. It's not just a feeling of missing him. It's something more that could never heal. His loss will always stay."- Yoko Ono
I've been thinking a lot about Yoko Ono. What she went through. What she still goes through. How she continues to nourish her husband's memory, living in the Dakota, celebrating him with events. How, despite her loss, she… Continue
I've been thinking a lot about Yoko Ono. What she went through. What she still goes through. How she continues to nourish her husband's memory, living in the Dakota, celebrating him with events. How, despite her loss, she… Continue
So angry and hurt
Posted on March 29, 2013 at 10:59am 4 Comments 0 Likes
My husband had very little life insurance, just a basic policy at work. He did have a more substantial retirement payout, not huge but with some careful planning I could make it work. However, he signed up before we were married, and divided it up equally between myself and his mother. Okay, that makes sense, we weren't married after all. I believe he then just forgot about change it. It happens all the time. I explained the situation to my MIL, and she agreed that she would turn the money over… Continue
Shouldn't feel this way but I do
Posted on March 4, 2013 at 4:09pm 6 Comments 0 Likes
Every once in a while I think about what Dan would do if our roles were reversed. Specifically, if he would date or get married again. And I think he would. He was very popular with the ladies. Women were always flirting with him and he would have no problem meeting someone. I also think he would figure, my wife is dead, and I'm alive, so it's fine to love again.
This really upsets me. I know that you're supposed to feel that you would want your spouse to move on and be happy, but I… Continue
This really upsets me. I know that you're supposed to feel that you would want your spouse to move on and be happy, but I… Continue
Comment Wall (10 comments)
- At 7:49am on January 19, 2013,
Mford4 (Marlene) said… Hi MrsD. So much of your posts are how i feel too and it has been 10 months since I lost Pat. I just blogged about how someone said my memories should give me comfort. Maybe someday but for now they are painful because they just remind me of what I have lost. I am finding that if I keep moving and doing than I fall exhausted into bed...no time to think. I am glad you are searching for a new therapist. They all don't fit right and the hard part is finding the right one.
- At 9:56pm on January 11, 2013,
gypsie123 said… I agree with you, and I am not mad at people,and because I think I am older than you, I do appreciate their calls, concern,but you are right in the fact that for god's sake nothing, nobody as loving as they can be , and caring can replace the hole in your heart, ultimately, it is our loss, the love of our lives, our best friend,bitterness,and anger won't change that, I don't think,maybe ,a widow of a 31 years relationship,little by little he realisation that the one you loved,in his own way,demands for you to carry on,because your love was not in vain and carry on for others. Many people do not ever have that luck, to be loved , and love, so ,the missing is there, in a deep way,but can be maybe transcended to love passed on. not great comfort, but helps a bit I think?
- At 9:38am on November 10, 2012,
maddalena said… - Hi MrsD I am here but haven't felt as comfy as on YWBB. Thanks for finding me.
- At 10:44pm on November 2, 2012,
flohog said… Yup, I'm the same flohog on YWBB....I recognize you too
- At 2:14pm on November 2, 2012,
Lori said… Thanks for sending the friend request, This place has helped me so much again so sorry for your lose. take care
- At 12:24pm on November 1, 2012,
bj628(Bonnie) said… Oh, by the Way.. I love Snoopy. On my old car I had the decal , the same one you have as your pix...
- At 12:21pm on November 1, 2012, bj628(Bonnie) said…
Thank you for your friend request. I am so sorry for the reason you
are here, but I am so happy you found WV. sending ((((((hugs)))))
- At 7:52pm on October 15, 2012,
LaurieR said… Hello MrsD. I am so sorry for your loss. I never really know what to say but welcome to this site. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. I will do my best to help you. I will send you a friend request, if you wish you can accept
- At 10:13pm on October 13, 2012,
Joyce said… Welcome MrsD: I'm sorry for your loss but I'm glad you found your way to this site. I hope you will find the same comfort and understanding here at Widowed Village that I have. In the beginning I just read the blogs and posts and lurked in chat. Post and join us in chat when you feel comfortable. It is nice to be among people who "Get It".
- At 10:31pm on October 10, 2012,
wannabmartha said… So sorry for the reason that you’re here but glad you’ve joined us. You’ll find insight, understanding and support here at Widowed Village. We’re traveling the same road together some further down the road than others. Join a group when you’re ready to get better connected. Participate in a forum and/or chat anytime. If you have questions, feel free to ask. There is always someone around willing to help.
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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
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