Tomorrow is Monday. Just a Monday. No significant date. Except that it's a week from the one year anniversary of Eric's death. I'm starting to feel the butterflies, the anxiety. I'm afraid I'm going to give into the sobs. Not the little teary eyed that I get now and then, but the heart wrenching, exhausting, body racking sobs. I haven't had any in quit some time. I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid of how they make me feel. I'm afraid of how they make my daughter feel. How can I stop…Continue
I had one of the first dreams with Eric in it last night. We were moving into an apartment in a tall building and there was an earthquake. Of course I grabbed him. I HATE earthquakes! But not as much as death. I would take an earthquake with Eric any day over an earthquake free life without him.
I woke up with a severe loneliness. It was rough.
I think I'm ready, but what if I'm not. I will take it hour by hour when I do go through his things. I just need boxes and bags and markers and tape. I need help, but I'm afraid to ask. I won't make my daughter help me. She puts on a brave front but I know that she could crumble any time.
Lord, please send me the energy and motivation to get through my grieving.