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  • United Kingdom
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  • recent loss(Ron)>>Recently Found

Patrick's Discussions

My late wife's memorial

Started this discussion. Last reply by rosamore (Kamala) Nov 30, 2014. 5 Replies

I thought I’d share the memorial…Continue


Patrick's Page

Latest Activity

Patrick commented on Rainy (Misty)'s blog post What comes first?
"The way I saw it was my love for Sharon was part of who I was, in moving on to be able to fall in love with someone else I was destroying part of myself, and that self-destruction hurt; on the other hand keeping that part of myself by preserving my…"
Feb 5, 2018
Patrick replied to InsideLove's discussion What are your thoughts - which color for new car?
"It's sensible to avoid triggers that ambush you when you're driving, but when you're in a safe environment triggers can also be useful for managing your grief. I used to seek triggers out so that I could sit with them sobbing until…"
Jan 15, 2018
Patrick replied to MPMom (Colleen)'s discussion Normal/expected feelings?
"My house got very messy after Sharon died, but seeing as the flat I lived in before I met her was also a mess I can't really pin that one on the grief, it was more a case of a slobby bloke living alone. Go easy on yourself, finding motivation…"
Nov 27, 2017
Patrick replied to MPMom (Colleen)'s discussion Normal/expected feelings?
"That sounds pretty normal to me. I had trouble finding motivation to do anything for a long time, I dealt with it by taking on projects that I could just pick up when I had the energy and put down again when I didn't. Anything that involved…"
Nov 27, 2017
Patrick replied to kenslove 's discussion So many different identities....
"When I accepted Sharon was dead I found that many of my hopes, dreams and expectations no longer made sense and I set about dismantling them. During that time I found it difficult to sustain motivation to do anything; I was studying a music course…"
Nov 15, 2017
Patrick replied to Rosbert1227's discussion To sell our home or make it work?
"It's not silly to feel that she's still there, anymore than it would have been silly to feel like she was around when she was alive but out of sight in a different room.  I chose to use reorganising and renovating my house so that it…"
May 26, 2017
Patrick replied to Rosbert1227's discussion To sell our home or make it work?
"I've stayed in my home.  I used the process of changing it from "our" home to "my" home as a catalyst for my grieving; arranging the rooms the way I wanted them and going trough Sharon's possessions deciding what…"
Apr 24, 2017
Patrick replied to kellygreenstrat (Colin)'s discussion Is It So Wrong
"No, there's nothing wrong with dreaming of running away. You're describing escaping into fantasy to give yourself some small respite from things you can't escape in reality.  If you try to run away in reality, or if you spend so…"
Mar 16, 2017
Patrick replied to kenslove 's discussion Balancing who I was with who I will be
"To me that describes the heart of grieving. When Sharon died I felt like I'd been dropped into a foreign land in which I didn't fit. Being me hurt, changing who I was hurt, and every day I had to choose between the two. It was exhausting…"
Jun 28, 2016
Patrick replied to Mike's discussion Are cemeteries the wrong place to hang out.
"I am not a believer in life after death, but it was still important to me to make a grave that I think Sharon would have liked. Intellectually I believe that Sharon is gone, and for the most part I feel it emotionally as well. For the most part, but…"
May 22, 2016
Patrick replied to Doug02122014's discussion Home Field Advantage - Where to live with your next chapter ? in the group Remarried After Loss
"In general, do whatever it takes for both of you to feel it's your home. We're living in the house I bought with my late wife. I used making the house solely my own as a tool for grieving, basically I went through it as if Sharon had…"
Mar 28, 2016
Patrick replied to NoLongerInBergenJC's discussion This is for those of you who are online dating
"The usual advise would be spend time with people, be yourself and let it happen; but being widowed takes away a huge part of who you are, how can you be yourself when you're still trying to work out who that now is? It's OK to feel lonely,…"
Jan 28, 2016
Patrick replied to NoLongerInBergenJC's discussion This is for those of you who are online dating
"I agree with that, I had a good social support network when I was online dating and I spent time making sure I was OK being alone.  I found the process of online dating gruelling and emotionally draining, with most of the people you contact you…"
Jan 28, 2016
Patrick replied to NoLongerInBergenJC's discussion This is for those of you who are online dating
"I got married last year to a woman I met through online dating, it can work out. While I was active on dating sites I found that online exchanges were useless for getting to know someone, the women I met in person were very different from they way…"
Jan 27, 2016
Patrick replied to JHclecce's discussion Wedding planning for Volume Two in the group Remarried After Loss
"The current fashion for weddings is that they be about the fairy tale of marriage, two people destined for each other coming together and living happily ever after.  It’s not that it’s any more true of a first marriage than it is…"
Nov 25, 2015
widow85 replied to Patrick's discussion My late wife's memorial
"This is so beautiful, and Patrick, even long after you are gone, it will bring a smile to future visitors."
Oct 10, 2014

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Patrick's Blog

The Myth of Healing

Posted on February 19, 2014 at 12:01pm 8 Comments

People often talk about moving through grief as being a process of healing, the analogy with physical injuries is that bereavement causes an emotional injury and that grieving is the healing of that injury.  I don’t think that analogy works.  When Sharon died it felt like a huge chunk had been ripped out of my heart, but looking back now it wasn’t me who changed that night it was the world I was living in that changed.  Suddenly being alive hurt, not because I was wounded but because I no…


Seeing grief as a chore

Posted on June 7, 2013 at 1:54am 0 Comments

     I’ve often read that grief is a journey with steps forward and back but that’s not how I see it.  I think of my life as being like a huge rambling mansion with rooms ranging from the few that I mostly live in (my everyday life and thoughts), through to rooms that I use occasionally to rooms that I practically or actually never find myself going into. 

     When Sharon died a storm ripped through the mansion leaving behind a thick layer of dust that worked its way into…


My first blog post

Posted on May 20, 2013 at 1:34am 3 Comments

I was widowed in November 2011.  It's a shame that I didn't find this site at the time, a blog like this would have been useful as I was trying to make sense of where I was and where I was going. All-in-all I'm OK at the moment, but I've still got quite a lot to work out about this…


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At 4:52am on May 2, 2013, Tanya said…

I am sorry for your loss, but so glad you found Widowed Village.  You will find great  support here from people that truly understand.


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