dear Skee. 3 yrs for me Mar 30th. I will tell you...pity parties are exhausting. You cry so hard you can't breathe. Then your head gets weird and you get a sinus headache. Your body feels like you fought a war all alone on your side. People dismiss you, don't understand, mostly don't care. You cannot think straight or clearly and believe you never will again. You just know you want them back. You want your old normal the way it was... You believe you have reached below bottom...way below. further down than the deepest pit! It is hell.
well, I will not lie. it doesn't just one day get better. the only way out of the pit is to walk through it tiny steps at a time....and that is the most difficult thing in the world because you can't figure out how to do that! You do it. you find things that need doing. in the house or outside. a hobby or a chore. a new skill or get better at an old skill...you don't have to enjoy this but you have to do it anyway. like eating your veggies when you are young. Momma says you taste it young man and so you do. Grief is not fun. It has no timetable, no set rules, no quick solutions, no sure endings.
It's one giant mysterious painful experience. But look at the world. It's still there. And life goes on in a million ways every day it goes on... and my friend so will you. why not start to do small things besides the pets and housekeeping and meals? take your wife with you/along side you so that you can do things and know she is beside you and not just in your head as a memory. I think very few of us have a dead spouse who would not want us to go on living until we see them again in glory land. when you figure eternity is forever---why not look for good things while we are still here. If you can't find something... help someone else. Go to a cancer unit or nursing home. Pop in the room of a stranger and say hello...just listen and nod---most sick folks just want to know they are not alone. Again, you don't have to be comfortable--just do it anyway. just keep on doing and trying. You have a creator regardless of your faith-you are here for a purpose! Your wife no longer needs you but others do. You matter just because you are here. Believe in your worthiness. It is real and it is true. You will find if you bite off a little chunk of life each day with activity and mindful kindness...it will taste pretty good. The light you cannot see in that tunnel will begin to play peek a boo with you. you will smile again. even laugh....all the time your beloved wife will be near you in spirit--it must be so because look how much you loved one another? That does not end with death. Just changes. I was busy when I got your email but I know exactly what your are feeling and felt I must take time to help you shake off some of that pity...yes grieve all you must but continue to give yourself more to do more to consider and more to believe. Wrap your arms around yourself and know you have much more living to do. Strengthen in your belief that we do not have to choose to be dead before we die. Blessings to you tonight! laura
Welcome to Widville, Skeezix. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but glad that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here! You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.