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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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Steve's Discussions

Anybody experiencing sexual problems with new spouse after being widower?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Steve Sep 16, 2015. 4 Replies

Hi everybody. My name is Steve and I was partnered to the same man over 30 yrs, until his passing in 2009 from cancer. We were both in our teens when we committed to each other and I loved him very…Continue

Are you in process of moving on, creating a new life after the loss of your spouse?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Steve Jun 10, 2015. 18 Replies

Hello, my name is Steve and my long time male life partner passed in March 2009, from an 18 month battle with stage 4 colon cancer. We had just celebrated our 30th anniversary the prior January…Continue


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Latest Activity

Steve replied to Anne's discussion No one I know is a widow in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Anne !   So sorry you find yourself in this club, situation, sorry for this huge loss.  (((Hugs))).  It’s a very tough journey for everyone, you have found the right place here.  I was 46 when my beloved partner/husband…"
Apr 17

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Steve's Blog

On the eve of our 40th anniversary

Posted on December 31, 2018 at 9:52pm 2 Comments

December 31st, 1978:

I had met this terrifically wonderful guy named Mike, several months prior, so cute, so funny, awkward sweet, he had asked me out on the first time we met.  

Now, at a New Year’s Eve party at a nightclub, we danced and drank and had a wonderful time.  The clock strikes 12, it’s now January 1st 1979, and as the ole lang syne played, streamers and balloons dropped from the ceiling, “Happy New Year”!  Mike got down on one knee on the dance floor where we…


Do I REALLY want to find love again?

Posted on September 17, 2018 at 1:58am 6 Comments

Hello all.  

This is Steve again.  In case you haven’t read my prior posts, I was partnered close to 31 years to a man I loved very much, mike, my best friend, partner in life.  He passed in March of 09 from stage 4 cancer at 50 yrs old.  I was 46 when he passed.  

I am now 56 years old.  I, as maybe many of you, have experienced a lot of loss.  In the past 10 years, besides my partner, have had about 10 of our inner circle pass away as well.  It’s really been a bizarre decade.…


9.5 years into my journey after Mike.

Posted on September 2, 2018 at 9:01pm 4 Comments

Hello everyone,

I’m Steve, and I’ve been a long time member here, since about 18 months after my long time male life partner passed in March of 09.  Ours was an amazing love story, fraught with big challenges, Mike was bi-polar, drug and alcohol abuser at times, we met and fell in love in our teens, we had zero support from our families, 

so, we chose to move out on our own and create a life for ourselves.  In our early twenties, we decided enough of drugs, parties, it was time…


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At 5:55pm on November 23, 2018, Hornet (Cindy) said…

Hello, Dear Steve.

Thank you for your comment on my latest blog. You always have words of wisdom that really help me. In fact, your blogs are some of the very first I read after discovering this site a few months after I lost Rick. Your love for Mike...mine for Rick...they are so similar. The love you describe is for the soul. Isn't it hard to exist without that nourishment? That is what I feel when I read your words. I feel the hunger again. I realize how starved I am for Rick...even 5 years later. And it validates what I feel when I read that you, too, are starving after 10 years without Mike.

But as you have said, 'the good news' is that you are doing well in your career. as am I. And I don't care what anyone says, work is so much a part of who I am that the only way I could get near any thought of suicide would be if I couldn't work anymore. In addition to my daughters and grandson, it was work that got me through this horror. It was brain food and contact with the outside world that kept me from staying in bed longer than a weekend here and there.

But even so, brain food only takes you so far. It's like dreaming of a juicy steak for days and then opening the menu at the only restaurant within 50 miles to discover they only serve saltine crackers.

I so hope that this season is better than you expect...much, much better! I hope that I, too, will be pleasantly surprised. I hope that you always remember that you are vital, needed, and make a difference to people...even ones you have never met (like me). And I hope that God will feed our souls, once again, with the love we crave.

I hope...


At 5:26am on November 12, 2017, Hornet (Cindy) said…

Hello, Steve. Yes, those waves of grief are still out there, aren't they? They roll over me from time to time as well...but like you said...they come less often than they used to. I wonder often what my life is now...what it should be. It makes me feel lost and alone. But when I reflect more deeply, I remember that I asked those questions of myself before I lost Rick. The only difference is that I had Rick to talk all of these deep life questions out with. Now, I rely on myself...and sometimes, on friends and family, to discuss the deeper life questions. (Though it isn't nearly as meaningful as it was with my sweet husband.) I am grateful, as you say so frequently, I am grateful for the 32 years I had with Rick. His impact on my life is so very profound that I can barely describe it in words. In fact, the depth of the impact can't be can only be felt...remembered...cherished...used to make today better. Yes...I am grateful. And that alone makes these days afterward more bearable. Thank you, Steve. (By the way, I just love the picture of you and Mike. When I look at it, I see love.) Cindy

At 3:54pm on May 2, 2015, Hornet (Cindy) said…

Hello, Steve. Thank you for the nice comment on my post. I am about 20 months out...that seems so strange typing that number...20. It surprises me how unreal it still feels...almost 2 years out. Before it was me in these shoes, I would have thought the 'new' life would have taken over by now. Now I know.

I was reading your posts and understand that your Mike passed several years ago. Isn't it a miraculous thing how two human beings can meld together so completely at the heart? And when one goes, how completely it devastates the other? I was so spiritually wounded when Rick died, I could hardly speak. And now, here I am...just floating around. (That's how it feels...just floating.)

I wish you peace, Steve. Peace and love and healing.

At 8:16am on February 22, 2015, rosamore (Kamala) said…

Hello Steve,  I have been reading your posts since I joined WV last year.  My husband passed away three months ago.   Your posts are so uplifting with positive thoughts which I surely need it. So happy to read you found someone that you are happy again.  That is wonderful. Keep posting positive posts it will lift everyone spirit.  

At 9:37am on January 5, 2015, Markus said…
Nice to meet you steve
At 11:49am on June 28, 2014, Patience said…
Steve, read your post on the 2009 board about your parents. My mom is home and my step dad is in the nursing home. I don't think you need a lawyer to do what your lawyer friend suggested. You can do it on your Own. Take Mom with you and go to the Board of social services, or wherever in California is the equivalent to the NJ board that puts people on Medicaid. My 83 year old mom actually did it on her OWN with barely any help from me. I was just her cheerleader and helper. I'll be happy to answer any of your questions. Diane
At 6:35pm on December 17, 2012, Hopeful said…
Steve, he is leaving you signs! Gives me goosebumps. Wow. I pray for signs every day. When we are open to them, I believe we will receive them. I loved the blue hair story... those memories are gifts. Take good care.
At 6:18pm on November 8, 2012, MissingRKK said…

Steve, your writing is so magnificent. I pounce on your posts--for your open-heart, your honesty, your humor, your willingness to go deep and not hold back. You have a gift and you feel like a gift to me. I thank you, dearly.

Carrie (MissingRKK)

At 7:51am on September 28, 2012, Suz said…

Thanks, Steve. i love reading what you have written. I m such an emotional person at heart but my husband was a bit of a large figure (in small circles). The honoring has gone on for six months and I am having the hardest time grieving despite the fact I loved him so deeply. It helps me to have you share your real feelings.


At 6:06am on August 31, 2012,
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