This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Never Normal

Posted on August 2, 2014 at 7:54pm 5 Comments

I have not felt normal or like "me" in about 2.5years which is as long as my husband has been dead.  I hear everyone say oh there will be a new normal, but whatever that is I hope this isn't it because this new normal doesn't feel good.  As a matter of fact, it sucks.  I've been trying to stay busy, figure out my new life.  Although my life was not perfect with my husband, I knew how to operate in it, have times of contentment and happiness.  I had a long term life plan.  I had someone to be…


Seriously, PLEASE someone tell me this is fairly normal

Posted on June 23, 2014 at 2:55pm 17 Comments

My husband has been dead 2 years and two months.  I thought I was doing okay, but I don't think I am.  Im so lonely all the time.  My head spins a mile a minute trying to figure out what the heck Im supposed to do with my life, or want to do with my life.  Most of my closest friends are married so for the most part, Im dumped on the weekends.  I was  stay at home mom -newly empty nester when he died -as if that wasn't a transition enough. 

I have family and friends and its no…


Second Time Around

Posted on December 11, 2013 at 1:14am 4 Comments


This will be my second year at being a widow.  So far I think I’m doing pretty well.  If there were a report card given to widows, I think I most definitely have a solid B-.  Those that haven’t totally walked in these high heels of grief probably would only give me a C or C plus at best.  Somehow there seems to be a time frame that we are supposed to…


I just would rather be dead

Posted on April 21, 2013 at 9:47am 9 Comments

Does anyone else feel like this?

I am struggling something awful.  I don't really want to be dead, but Id rather be dead than feel this every day!  I am not suicidal, but I do wonder if I didn't have children and this continues to be like this what I would consider.


I just don't know what to do with myself.  Im in the house a lot and I know that isn't helpful, but I don't know what to do.  I've heard hobbies, volunteer, etc., etc., -- I need to be around…


Comment Wall (15 comments)

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At 10:15am on August 23, 2013, Wanderer530 (Bernie) said…

You are not alone.  We, sadly, ALL get it.  PEACE/RESPITE.

At 3:48am on April 23, 2013, JPSwifeCathy said…
Praying for you today. Cathy
At 7:41pm on April 3, 2013, Sue said…

Hi Tammy,

I am new and saw in the chat that you were from RI like me. I just wanted to connect. Are you going to the conference? This site is a Godsend that I wish I found earlier. I lost my love 11 months ago after a 7 week battle with lung cancer. My only child moved out so just me. So hard. I am still trying to learn how everything works here. Please sleep well.


At 7:10am on February 28, 2013, JPSwifeCathy said…
I've prayed many times "Lord, may I go with John"? He had a terminal disease ALS/Lou Gehrig's Disease
Now I pray "God , I know John's happy now, help me to be HAPPY again , just me & my daughter
At 7:05am on February 28, 2013, JPSwifeCathy said…
Ok it went thru
Sorry we have to become friends this way but glad its with a fellow,sister!:)
At 7:03am on February 28, 2013, JPSwifeCathy said…
Hey Tammy--( I typed a message as a reply to your note but it wouldn't send). I'llmtry this
At 7:03am on February 28, 2013, JPSwifeCathy said…
Hey Tammy--( I typed a message as a reply to your note but it wouldn't send). I'llmtry this
At 7:03am on February 28, 2013, JPSwifeCathy said…
Hey Tammy--( I typed a message as a reply to your note but it wouldn't send). I'llmtry this
At 11:31am on October 27, 2012, smallfish1 (Mariann) said…


Are you prepared for the storm?

At 4:28pm on September 19, 2012, telechick said…

Pleased on't say, "Call me if you need anlthing." I'll never call you because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could do for me takes more energy than I have. So, in advance, let me give you some ideas:

(a) Bring food or a movie over to watch together. ;li l

(b) Send me a card on special holidays, his birthday, and the anniversary of his death,  and be sure to mention his name. You can't make me cry. The tears are here and I will  love you for giving me the opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach out on this difficult day.

(c) Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I may so no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me because somewhere down the line, I rnay be ready, and if you've given up then I really will be alone.

(d) Understand how difficult it is for rne to be surrounded by couples, to walk into events alone, to go home alone, to feel out of place in the same situations where I used to feel so comfortable. ls

Please don't judge me now - or think that I'm behaving strangely. Remember I 'm grieving.I may even be in shock. I am afraid. I may feel deep rage.I may even feel guilty. But above all I hurt. I'm experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before and one that can't be imaqined by anyone who has not walked in my shoes.

I Don't worry if you think I'm getting better and then suddenly I seem to slip backward. Grief makes me behave this way at times. And please don't tell me you know how I feel, or that it's time for me to get on with my life. What I need now is time to grieve.

Most of all thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping, for understanding. Thak you for praying for me.

And remember in the days or years ahead, after your loss- when you need me as I have needed you - I will understand. And then I will come and be with you.


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